So Wouldn't That Just Be "In the City"?

My paralyzing fear of public conversation with my wife has allowed my eavesdropping skill to blossom immensely. For instance, last night we went to Panera for dinner. Jessie had some shit to do for the class she's teaching, so she was working on her laptop the whole time, giving my ears free reign over the conversation occurring at the table next to us.

From what I could gather, it was two college kids (one male, who I will dub Wilfred, and one female, who I will dub Eleanor) who may have been in the beginning stages of dating or may have been in the midst of a torrid, clandestine affair marked by awkward conversation and a love of sandwiches (hence coming out to the Panera in Kettering, and not the one right by UD). They talked about interviewing (Eleanor's had only one), what they wanted to do after graduation, how Eleanor always orders the Caeser's Salad at Panera forgetting that she doesn't like it, and other things not meant to attract eavesdroppers. Alas, it takes more than salad talk to dissuade me.

Eleanor now and then thinks about "going somewhere far away and making a fresh start." Wilfred encouraged such behavior, offering the obvious choice: "Yeah, do it. You should go to California or something." Eleanor seemed dissatisfied with such a suggestion. After all, she wants to remain in close proximity to her family. Despite what he had just heard, Wilfred -- the gentleman that he is -- kept Eleanor's blatant inconsistencies to himself. Eleanor and Wilfred continued to have one of the worst conversations Panera has ever hosted, highlighted by Eleanor's satisfaction with the mix CD Wilfred made for her and her seemingly related dissatisfaction with the mix CD given to her by a man or boy named Paul (possibly her real boyfriend). After her pleas, Wilfred assured Eleanor that he would not tell Paul about the way Eleanor felt about Paul's inferior mix CD. A good laugh was had by both.

Just as I thought it couldn't get any better, Eleanor threw me a curveball. The conversation had returned to familiar ground: making a fresh start. Wilfred did not express any desire to make a fresh start, but Eleanor -- sweet, innocent Eleanor -- just couldn't keep her mind off of it. Wilfred finally asked the question women love to hear: "Why?" "Well," Eleanor replied coyly, "I just have this dream that if I make a fresh start somewhere else, I'll be able to live the kind of life I've always dreamed of." Wilfred bit on that: "And what would that be?"

I shit you not when I tell you that the next eight words out of Eleanor's mouth were "A Christian version of Sex in the City." Had it not been such tight quarters, I would have let out the kind of bellow normally reserved for non-strangers sitting more than three and a half feet from me. If I was Wilfred -- and for Eleanor's sake, thank God I'm not -- I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I would have said, "So let me get this straight. You want to move somewhere far away to change your life and make a fresh start, but be close enough to home so that you're able to be with your family? And you want to model this fresh start after the teachings of Jesus Christ, inasmuch as it allows you to get hammered off flavored martinis and cosmos every night and get fucked six ways from Sunday by a guy named 'Mr. Big'? Sounds like you have it all worked out." Wilfred, however, responded in a manner that ensured future interaction with Eleanor: "I've never seen it, so what does that mean?"

It was at this point I stopped listening, since I was trying not to laugh and also trying to fathom what she could have possibly meant by a sentence with such a poorly-thought-out contradictory statement. I kind of heard her say something about buying shoes and hanging out with friends, but the damage was done. Eleanor -- sweet, innocent Eleanor -- had forever supplanted herself in my memory from a mildly attractive curiosity with a hatred of the music Paul loved so much to another one of the many Daytonians with no apparent idea of the world outside Montgomery County. Prove me wrong Eleanor. Spread those wings and fly to Columbus or Cincinnati.

Fantasy Update:
-Corn Hole'ers (1976 Tampa Bay Bucs): 3-4 (T 4th of 8, 2 games back)
-FIC You (Car Ramrod): 1-6 (T 9th of 10, 5 games back)
-Glenview Gridiron (Angry Pirates): 5-1 (1st of 12, 1/2 game up)
-League of Extraordinary Gents (Angry Pirates): 3-4 (T 6th of 10, 2 games back)-Pigskin 2005 Pick 'Em (Angry Pirates): 5th of 17 (T 12th last week)