Wordtoberfest?

So today is some sort of national wear-jeans-to-work day if you give $5 to the Susan Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. Of course I donate my $5 a couple weeks ago, only to realize yesterday that I have a fucking bar association committee meeting today, which means that I have to wear a suit. As you can see from the picture, the tension in my office is palpable. This is more annoying than vanity plates with the person's name/initials and/or the model of the car (no shit, that's EDS BMW?).

Having already named posts Soxtoberfest, Rocktoberfest, and Shocktober, and having already come up with the name of an Oktoberfest-themed porn, Fucktoberfest, I decided to take Oktoberfest word combinations to the next level. Feel free to bust one of these out in your next water cooler conversation:
-Archtoberfest: Oktoberfest in St. Louis
-Bachtoberfest: (1) Oktoberfest in Brandenburg; (2) Any party prominently featuring the music of Skid Row
-Brachtoberfest: (1) An orgy of hard candy; (2) An Oktoberfest party sponsored by former Cossitt Elementary School 1st Grade teacher Mrs. Brach.
-Chicagtoberfest: One of many Oktoberfests taking place within the city limits of Chicago
-Cocktoberfest: Oktoberfest in San Francisco (synonym: Dicktoberfest)
-Coptoberfest: (1) An Oktoberfest at which there are an uncomfortable number of police officers; (2) An Oktoberfest featuring helicopter rides
-Croctoberfest: Oktoberfest featuring the lovable comedic stylings of Paul Hogan
-Doctoberfest: The AMA's annual Oktoberfest
-Frocktoberfest: Wine, altar boys, members of the Boston Archdiocese--you get the picture
-Glocktoberfest: Oktoberfest in Compton
-Jocktoberfest: A celebration of the life of Albert Clifford Slater
-Kentucktoberfest: (1) Oktoberfest in Louisville; (2) A term used to describe an openly incestuous family reunion
-Marctoberfest: Any party celebrating the lives of Marc "Tron" Wiescinski and "Double Dare" host and ironically OCD-stricken clean freak, Marc Summers

-Marktoberfest: An annual party celebrating the careers of "Hangin' With Mr. Cooper" star Mark Curry, "Summer School" star Mark Harmon, and "Kids in the Hall" member Mark McKinney

-McToberfest: Any gathering featuring heavy drinking, the breaking of bottles over another's head, incoherent signing, the absence of contraceptives, or other tenets of Irish behavior. Common usage: "I went to a party the other night that started out low key. Next thing I know, it turns into a complete McToberfest and now Jimmy's in the hospital pissin' blood."
-Miketoberfest: A party at which there is more than one person named Mike
-Mocktoberfest: A fest holding itself out to be an Oktoberfest when, in actuality, it is not
-Ricktoberfest: Any party celebrating the life and music of Rick Astley

-TheRocktoberfest: A party at which highlights of the 1991 Miami Hurricane national championship season is shown, as well as the following movies: "The Mummy," "The Scorpion King," and "The Rundown"
-Sockhoptoberfest: A party at which only music from the 1950s is played AND German beer is consumed
-Stocktoberfest: The incredibly lame attempt of an assistant manager at Walgreen's to apply a "fun" name to an all-night inventory accounting
-Sucktoberfest: An extremely disappointing Oktoberfest
-Trucktoberfest: The limited-time event associated with the slashing of prices on all new and used Silvarados, Blazers, Suburbans, and Tahoes.

I encourage you to come forth with your own combos as well.

I've said it before and I'll hopefully say it again: how 'bout those White Sox? Special thanks go out to former White Sock Tony Graffanino, who booted a routine double-play ball last night, helping the White Sox score 5 runs in the 5th. Question: In a turkey-eating contest, who would win between David Wells and Bobby Jenks, and how many turkeys would the winner eat? Wells give up about 20 pounds to Jenks, but Wells has more eating experience. I'd take Jenks in a close one. 5 turkeys to 4 for Wells. On a pleasant note, I got a call from an elated Adam "Troy" McClure and Tony "Firefox" Zumpano as they headed home from Comiskey. Must be nice living in a city where your favorite sports teams play. Now the Sox travel to Fenway, needing one more win to move on to the ALCS. Boston had the best home record in baseball and the White Sox had the best road record in baseball. Something's gotta give, and I hope it's not the seams on Bobby Jenks's pants after eating 5 turkeys.

Another "how 'bout them" goes out to the Astros, who manhandled the Braves in Atlanta to take a 1-0 lead. My dream is getting closer.

It's Hair Band Friday in my office tomorrow. I'm gonna get so lit I might even wear jeans to work (black jeans of course). If anyone gives me any guff, I'll just lie and yell, with a fake tear or two trickling from my eyes, "I'm a breast cancer survivor, you insensitive, cum-guzzling ass clown! Rock & Roll!!!"