"Talk Is Cheap, But So Is She"

Hair Band Friday's in full effect here in my office today. Everyone's still partying from Wednesday night's celebration. The last three songs from the CD player have been stellar: "Rattlesnake Shake" by Skid Row, Ratt's "Round and Round," and L.A. Guns' "Ballad of Jayne." I got several strippers passed out half naked on the floor of my office, clutching their White Sox pennants, empty bottles of Wild Turkey, and random Ohio Supreme Court Reports. Candi puked all over herself after watching Billy turn in a killer memo last night. She needs to get her shit together or else we might not be able to keep her around much longer. We got plenty of groupies who love our insane writing ability and document review prowess that don't need to have their stomachs pumped every time they mix Jack and 'ludes.

Big weekend for me. Tomorrow at 1:32pm Eastern (or 4:32am Sunday for GMYH's readers in the Solomon Islands), I reach the big two-eight. Ouch. At least I still act like I'm 19. Anyway, along with Jessie "Wife" LeMar, Marc "Tron" Wiescinski, and "EradiKate" Rohrer, I am heading up to East Lansing for the IU/MSU game. Mike "The" Malangoni "Bologna Pony" is joining us as well. Goni and I plan to once again dominate any costume contest that comes our way. In case you have no idea what I'm talking about, you obviously weren't at The Bluebird in Bloomington on October 31, 2001 or October 30, 2004, and you must have missed SportsCenter on February 20-21, 2002. Look forward to seeing us at a costume contest near you some day because we are going to milk this as long as humanly possible.

Anywho, we will then be going to the Bears/Lions game Sunday at Ford Field. The NFC Norris lead will be on the line. I'm fully expecting a 10-3 type score. Look for the guy in the Gale Sayers jersey getting in punched in the face by a Lions fan after one too many "Do you think Jeff Garcia is gay?" comments.

The other big news of the past couple days (aside from the Sox winning the World Series) is that Harriet "The Spy" Miers withdrew her nomination from the Supreme Court. I don't know about you, but I'm happy that she's out, not so much for political reasons, but more for purely aesthetic reasons. For shit's sake, her face looks like a beat up old catcher's mitt. It looks as though she's the love child of Nosferatu and that old lady in "Poltergeist" who says "this house is clean." I heard a rumor that anyone who makes eye contact with her turns to stone. We simply couldn't have risked the lives of America's great litigators by allowing this gargoyle to sit on the bench of the Supreme Court. Plus, the fact that we would have had a Supreme Court justice with the same first name as that annoying red-headed neighbor in "Small Wonder" would have driven me to commit suicide. Man I hated that attention-seeking bitch. She was always coming over and snooping around in the Lawsons' business. It's no (small) wonder Jamie didn't want to do her.