As part of the report, the SSA also released the most popular twin names of 2005. Jacob and Joshua led the boys (and the overall) list with 78 instances, while -- get this -- Hope and Faith led the girls list. Are you kidding me? What better way for 49 sets of parents to immortalize the butt of some network television execs' horrible joke than by naming their twin daughters after a TGIF show that couldn't hold a candle to Full House (or Family Matters, for that matter). Damn you Ripa, damn you. Other twin highlights include:
- Taylor and Tyler (#6) or Christian and Christopher (#33) - As if having twins wasn't confusing enough, 62 sets of parents decided to torment countless future teachers, coaches, and would-be friends by giving their kids names that are almost identical. Who gets to be called Chris? Would Christian get Chris and Christopher get Topher? If so, does Topher resent the hell out of Chris because Chris got the better nickname? Why not go with Ryan and Bryan, Hal and Sal, Ronald and Donald, Brian and Bryan, John and Jon, or Simon & Simon?
- Isaac and Isaiah (#7) or Elijah and Isaiah (#14) - Might as well have gone with Jesus and Jesus.
- Mackenzie and Madison (#16) - Way to set up your twin daughters to be stuck-up bitches. "But daaaaddy, you gave Mackenzie a Range Rover." My guess is that the majority of these 27 sets of twins were born in Hinsdale, IL, Carmel, IN, Bloomfield Hills, MI, Westchester County, NY, Long Island, The OC, or anywhere in Connecticut but Bridgeport.
- Alexander and Nicholas (#17) - I guess it's cool. If you want your kids to be Tsars.
- Jaden and Jordan (#37) or Jayden and Jordan (#79) - So we have a basketball player and a hooker. You should only name your daughter Jaden (or Jayden) if you want her to be penetrating herself on the internet in 18 years.
- Brian and Brianna (#91) - How many times are local hoodlums going to mockingly call Brian Brianna? Or vice versa? Ten bucks says we see a lot of female softball players named Brianna in 18 years.
- Jada and Jaden (#96) - Another one where the names sound too similar. If they had triplets, would the 3rd have been Jade? Or maybe Jabba if it was a boy? Or Jader?
- Reagan and Riley (#105) - Another pretentious pairing, but one that will no doubt make for some hilarious contrasts between the conservative, reserved Reagan, who preaches about supply-side economics, and the foppish, flamboyant, and flaming Riley, who has an ascot to go with every outfit. Oh nevermind, that's only if it's Reilly.
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Intrigued by the popularity of “Emma”, due to never encountering one in my 29 years, I decided to kick off a little research. Oddly “Emma” was a wildly popular name near the turn of the century, ranking in the top ten from 1880 until 1902, until it mysteriously dropped out of entire top 20 in 1903, never to appear again, not until 1999 that is, which started a climb that landed her back as a perennial top 5. Are we looking at a run of “Emma” dominance that will last until 2022? I just don’t care; I just hope I live until some of them hit the age of consent, so that I can cross that off of my list.
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