Midwestern Eavesdropping - 7/13/06

Thanks to everyone who submitted, and let's keep it rollin'.

Commercial district of affluent Dayton suburb, approximately 7pm on a beautiful sunny day. Dozens of people walking around. A twentysomething unattractive male begins sprinting down the sidewalk barefoot, screaming a women's name. The woman, who originally appeared to be his mother (looks 45), stops but is probably also twenty something. The two are standing approximately 20 feet apart. She is silent.
Male (tearfully sobbing): "I die a little more every day, Stephanie. I die a little more every day."
She says nothing. He is crying as he mopes back to his still-running car, complete with its sweet super spoiler (it's as if he saw her on the side of the road and suddenly pulled over to chase her down). She is silent as he slams his car door and peels away.
--Oakwood, Ohio, Far Hills Ave.
Eavesdropper: Bull in a China Shop

Girlfriend to Boyfriend, regarding his inability to eat a Ricobene’s breaded steak sandwich with giardenera on top: "You're Mexican, you should be able to handle it."
--Chicago, Taste of Chicago
Eavesdropper: ½ Pint

White Female Customer: "Excuse me. I need to retake my picture. This one is hideous."
Black Female Clerk: "The camera only takes what it sees"
White Female Customer: "Are you fucking serious?"
Black Female Clerk: "Mmmmm hmmmmm . . ." (walks away)
--Chicago, Department of Motor Vehicles, Clark & Randolph
Eavesdropper: RobD

Stupid 5-year-old kid, pointing and staring upward at what can only be described as the tallest building in North America, asking his father: "Is that the Sears Tower?"
--Chicago, Adams & Wacker
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Emcee to Hostess: "I'm sorry. I can't help it if I turn you on. You WILL have your chance."
Hostess to Emcee: "Please stop molesting me with your eyes."
Emcee: "I'm way past that point."
Hostess: "Ew!"
--Chicago, Funky Buddha Lounge, 728 W. Grand
Eavesdropper: ½ Pint

Extremely drunk twentysomething, upon hearing a beer vendor with a particularly grizzled voice: "He's just a pirate who sells beer."
--Chicago, U.S. Cellular Field
Eavesdropper: Jesterio

Stoner to bouncer: "Hey man, is it cool if I bring my skateboard in here?"
Hostess: "No, man, you can't. It's considered a weapon."
Stoner: "Seriously, oh well. You'd be amazed what people can do with ordinary things."
Hostess: "I'm just kidding."
Bouncer: "Man, I need your ID."
Stoner: "Cool, cool.
Hostess loses interest until she hears the following:
Stoner to bouncer: "Hey, man, I have a proposition for you."
Bouncer: "Okay."
Stoner: "So my friend's in there, waiting for me. And if you don't want to let me in, he can come out. We were planning on smoking a bowl. And, if you're down, we'll let you in on it."
Bouncer: "I don't think that's such a good idea."
The two hostesses whisper in the corner:
Hostess 1: "Uh, yeah, it's kind of illegal."
Hostess 2: "Yeah, let's smoke weed in front of a nightclub while there's cops driving around this entire area. That's really smart."
--Chicago, Funky Buddha Lounge, 728 W. Grand
Eavesdropper: ½ Pint

Extremely drunk, stumbling, barely coherent fiftysomething man (possibly homeless), talking to dashing twentysomething male (possibly a lawyer) who was wearing a White Sox hat backwards:
Drunk man: "Why do you wear your hat backwards?"
Twentysomething guy: "So I can see. If I wear it forward, my line of sight isn't so good."
Drunk man (in an accusatory tone): "You can see. You can see. . . . [pauses to collect his thoughts] . . . Cubzzzzzz. Cubzzzzzz."
--Chicago, Moxie, 3517 N. Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

40something attorney, exasperated, clueless: "When can I set this for hearing?"
Clerk1: "You tell me what date you want. I'll tell you if it's available."
Attorney: "How can I tell you what I want if I don't know what's available?"
Clerk1: "You tell me what you want. I'll tell you if it's available."
Attorney: "Okay, fine, sir. Tomorrow."
Clerk1: "That's not available."
Attorney: "Well what is available?"
Clerk1: "You have to give me a date. I'll look it up, tell you if it's available."
Attorney: "I want to talk to your supervisor."
Clerk1: "You tell me when you want to talk to him. I'll tell you if he's available.
Attorney: "Now!"
Clerk1: "He's not available."
Attorney: "Well when is he available?"
Clerk1: "Step over to that counter and he'll be with you when he's available.
(Attorney steps over to the other counter)
Clerk2: "That punk bitch gon' rat you out dawg."
Clerk1: "I don't give a fuck, he ain't shit. . . . [turns to next in line] . . . Can I help you?"
--Chicago, Daley Center
Eavesdropper: RobD

Security guard at a bar taps hostess on the leg to move over so he can reach down and get his drink.
Hostess: "Hey, that was rude, you're trying to reach around me to get your drink. Why don't say excuse me, I need to get my drink."
Security guard: "Well, I actually wanted to tap you on your ass to move you out of the way."
--Chicago, Funky Buddha Lounge, 728 W. Grand
Eavesdropper: ½ Pint

A drunk yuppie guy outside of a neighborhood bar on a weeknight talking in an annoyed voice to whom I assume to be a wife or girlfriend (using a "I think girls are stupid" tone): "Listen, I'm out with friends and drinking, just tell me what you need from me. [pause] If you really need me to come home just tell me that. [pause] Jesus, how big is the fire?"
--Chicago, outside Wrightwood Tap, Wrightwood & Seminary
Eavesdropper: Jesterio

A twentysomething couple is working out together. The wife stops in the middle of doing what is assumed to be her first ever set of triceps extensions.
Wife: "This makes the backs of my arms sore." (pointing to the back of her right arm)
Husband: "Yeah, you mean your triceps?"
(Wife laughs, realizing that indeed, the exercise she was doing was working the muscles it was designed to work)
--Chicago, Lincoln Park Athletic Club, Sheffield & Diversey
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Loveable and flamboyantly gay host: "Honey, when life hand you lemons, throw 'em at the bitch you hate."
--Chicago, Funky Buddha Lounge, 728 W. Grand
Eavesdropper: ½ Pint

Thanks again to everyone who contributed. Keep up the good work, and for you others, keep those ears tuned and send your eavesdroppings to gmyhblog@yahoo.com.