Midwestern Eavesdropping - 7/20/06

Here you go:

White Sox color commentator Darrin Jackson, discussing the upcoming "Mullet Night" at U.S. Cellular Field: "If you've still got a mullet, there are some problems. We've gotta talk."
--WGN, White Sox vs. Yankees, 7/16/06
Eavesdropper: GMYH (and whoever else was watching the game in the top of the 6th)

10-year-old son: "I sneezed on him twice and then I punched him in the neck."
Father: "Well, to me that sounds incredibly . . . rude."
--Chicago, Madison Street Bridge
Eavesdropper: RobD

Cool, independent radio station in Columbus, with the only good morning host who doesn't lead a 'Morning Zoo' team of retards. They also have Dawn, the stoner chick who tells listeners what bands are playing, where she'll be getting drunk each night, etc.
DJ: "Hey Dawn, check and see if the Jazz and Ribs Fest is this weekend."
Dawn: "What's it called?"
DJ: "The Jazz and Ribs Fest."
--Columbus, Ohio
Eavesdropper: Ulltimate Lactose Hater

Sixtysomething, somewhat snooty woman is trying to pick up a book she ordered from a book store, and the twentysomething female clerk can't seem to find it:
Clerk: "What was the name of the book?"
Snooty woman: "Book A" [I don't remember the name of the book]
Clerk: "It's already been picked up."
Snooty woman: "Well that's not possible because I haven't picked it up."
Clerk: "Did you send anyone or authorize anyone to pick it up?"
Snooty woman: "No."
Clerk: "What about [Book B]? Is that what you mean?"
Snooty woman: "No, I picked that up months ago."
Clerk: "I'm sorry, but we have no record whatsoever of your order."
Snooty woman (becoming obviously peeved): "Well I don't understand. I specifically remember ordering it downstairs."
Clerk: "Uh, we don't have a downstairs. It's just this one floor."
Snooty woman (having an epiphany): "What do you mean? I specifically -- Oh my goodness, I ordered it from Borders!" [then walks away]
--Chicago, Barnes & Noble, on Diversey just west of Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Fortysomething soccer mom, traipsing through the lawn at a concert with her kids in tow, screaming: "I'm so drunk! Where are we?!?!"
--Tinley Park, Illinois, Def Leppard/Journey concert
Eavesdropper: J-Diza (I think)

Associate: "Looks like you've got yourself quite a lunch there."
Partner: "I don't fuck around."
--Chicago, Law office, Lyric Opera Building
Eavesdropper: RobD

28-year-old female pauses from singing along to "Faithfully" by Journey, honestly believing herself when she says: "I feel like I'm right on key."
--Tinley Park, Illinois, Def Leppard/Journey concert
Eavesdropper: Never Been Any Reason

28-year-old former Indiana University trustee on the phone with his wife: "Richard Allman? Oh, 'Dick and Balls.'"
--Springboro, Ohio or somewhere within a 50 mile radius
Eavesdropper: Tron

Fortysomething, red-headed, leprechaun-looking attorney, nonchalantly to a group of attorneys, offering no subsequent explanation: "It was 10 years ago today I got struck by lightning."
--Geneva, Illinois, Kane County Courthouse
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Attorney sitting on waist-high air conditioning vent. Paralegal passes.
Paralegal: "Is your office that hot, or did you just need some wind on your ballsac?"
Attorney: "What, you think the two are somehow mutually exclusive?"
Paralegal: "Ahh, so you're going for a little flying squirrel action."
--Chicago, Law office, Randolph & LaSalle
Eavesdropper: RobD

As is the style sometimes, here is something that really isn't "eavesdropping" per se, but is nonetheless worthy of inclusion:
While walking across the street after getting off the L on my way to work, in a puddle behind a parked car on Wells, I saw a light green post-it note, with the following words clearly written, in all caps, with a blue Sharpie: "ELVES ROCK!"
--Chicago, Washington & Wells
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks for the submissions. If and when you have more, email them to gmyhblog@yahoo.com. I love you all.