Tuesday, April 10, 2007

DNA Clears My Name Again

NFL = No Fucking Leniency
I love the NFL for so many reasons, one of which is that it is run so much better than every other professional sports league, and its not afraid to come down hard on players who fuck up off the field. The latest example is that the NFL has suspended Titans public relations calamity Pacman Jones for the entire 2007 season and Bengals booze monster Chris Henry for the first half of the season for their various and sundry run-ins with the law over the past year. Kudos to accountability.
Big Daddy
Well, we finally know who Dannielynn's father is: former (obviously) boyfriend Larry Birkhead. Birkhead -- who resembles an unstable Jay Mohr who surfs a lot -- is one of a seemingly endless parade of suitors claiming to have had sex with Anna Nicole (who was probably wearing clown face paint at the time and may or may not have been on quaaludes) around nine months before Dannielynn was born. Look at his triumphant fist pump, as he realizes the fact that he had sex with Anna Nicole Smith paid dividends for the first time, in the form of an infant girl slated as the sole heir to hundreds of millions of dollars with no family members except one: daddy. I gotta be honest, I was pulling for Zsa Zsa's husband because I would have liked to see Zsa Zsa dole out yet another public mouth slapping.

Long Drive, Sort Of
So I was curious as to how long it would take to drive to Lulea, Sweden from Chicago, and I was surprised to find that Google Maps had the answer: 30 days and 22 hours. The toughest part of the 6,230-mile journey will be Step 20: "Swim across the Atlantic Ocean 3,462 mi." It begins in Boston and ends in Le Havre, France. After that it should be cake. I'm not sure how my car is going to make it, though. Granted, I'm sure I'm not the first person to figure this out, it's still pretty funny that it's even an option. I cannot, however, drive to Tokyo, Almaty, Ankara, Cape Town, Buenos Aires, Bombay (or Mumbai), Reykjavik, or even Nome, Alaska. That angers me.

First Three Albums of the Day
-Kings of Leon - Because Of The Times


Anonymous said...


This is right up your alley.

I will be interested in hearing your thoughts.

How far has Neil fallen in your esteem? Will the ship include a rotating drum kit for Tommy Lee?

A pentagram shaped swimming pool?


Vince Neil Sets Sail with Motley Cruise

AP Photo/Adam Rountree

Rocker Vince Neil is set to hit the high seas next January as the captain of rock 'n' roll vacation package Motley Cruise.

The Motley Crue singer has joined forces with Carnival Cruise Lines for the four-day vacation, during which he'll perform live and join in "wild" fun and games onboard a liner bound for Calica, Mexico.

The Motley Cruise will set sail from Miami, Fla., on January 24.

GMYH said...

I love it. In addition to the fact that it has a word combination for a name (I love and fully endorse word combinations), it seems like it would be a great time. I read about a similar thing that Journey and REO Speedwagon did together (and possibly another band with them), and from what I read, the fans really enjoyed it (I think I read about it in a Chuck Klosterman book). I only wish the other 3 members of the Crue were in on it (my desire to meet Mick Mars continues to increase the more I read The Dirt). Then I think I would have no other option but to go on the Cruise (which I hope has an umlaut over the u).

I assume you think Vince should be falling in my esteem because he is selling out or something, but I just think it would be awesome to go on a cruise with the lead singer from Motley Crue.

Anonymous said...


Not to be a dick, but I think all dogs are autistic.

I like the blog man. Lots of funny stuff.

Big Play