Saturday, April 07, 2007

Thug Life

The Dirt
So I just started reading The Dirt by Mötley Crüe, which is phenomenal so far. I'm only about 75 pages into it, but the best snippet so far came from a chapter that Vince Neil wrote, discussing the early days of the band, just after they had formed:

"I didn't know what to think of Mick. He was crazy. He'd sit across the club from me scribbling on a piece of paper. Then he'd bring it over and it would say something like, 'I'm going to kill you.' His face was all scruffy and unshaven, and he used to bite Tommy's nipple all the time."

I'd like to meet Mick Mars.

Huggy and the Geez
Two Big XII schools with horrible basketball traditions that enjoyed mild success this year are well on the road back to mediocrity, as Texas A&M lost head coach Billy Gillispie to Kentucky and Bob "Huggy Bear" or "Thuggins" Huggins bolted after one year in Manhattan (Kansas, that is) to coach his alma mater, West Virginia. And with those moves, 20-win seasons at A&M and K State may be a thing of the past, at least for a few more years. I hope you enjoyed it while you had it, Aggies and Wildcats fans.

The Gillispie move isn't too exciting for me, as Kentucky grabbed up an up-and-comer, an "it" coach of the moment with only five years of head coaching experience. Personally, it'll be interesting to see how he handles the big stage (and the insano UK fans), and I wish him all the failure in the world at Kentucky.

Now to Huggins. What a shining example of integrity. As Christoff so eloquently stated earlier today in an email about the situation, "Putting your faith in a double dealing shitbag like a Bob Huggins is akin to putting a gun to your head and getting mad when it actually fires." For those of you who aren't familiar with the wheeling and dealing of Huggy Bear, he ran the University of Cincinnati men's basketball program like a puppy mill from 1989 to 2005. During the 1990s, guess how many UC basketball players graduated. Seriously, just give me a guess. Let me remind you that ten years is a long time, and there are usually 2 to 3 seniors each year. I'll even walk away from the computer for a few minutes while you think it over. My autistic dog looks bored anyway.

. . .

Okay, I'm back. Yeah, I know it was only like 30 seconds, but it turns out Harley wasn't bored after all. She was just counting the shingles on the house next door. So what did you come up with? Twenty? Fifteen? Ten? Five? Two? One? How about ZERO. Yes, that's right, zero. He succeeded like no one before him in taking the "student" out of "student-athlete." Do you know how hard it is to go an entire decade without A SINGLE player graduating? That's like a dude going to a brothel, where he is systematically denied sex by every single prostitute, even that fat one with crabs named Tina, and she fucks ANYONE. Even a guy with AIDS can get laid if he puts a condom on or lies about it.

In 1995, UC center Art "Mongo" Long was arrested after he punched a police horse four times. Yes, you just read that correctly. Teammate Danny Fortson was also arrested for disorderly conduct during the same incident, probably for trying to steal the horse's shoes.

Then, in 1998, the UC basketball program was put on NCAA probation for lack of institutional control. To this day, I can't understand why. Then again, I should expect nothing less from a school located in a city that used to be called Porkopolis.

As if his unwavering commitment to providing his players with the skills necessary to survive life after basketball wasn't enough, Huggins got a DUI in 2004, captured famously by the squad car's video camera. He was fired soon thereafter.

Somehow, Kansas State gave this man a second chance by offering him the head coaching job there. Huggins repaid KSU's generosity by leaving after one year to go to West Virginia.

I've also heard that Bob Huggins molests collies and that he served six months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight-year-old.

All of this is particularly amusing when you consider a quote from West Virginia Athletic Director Ed Pastilong, who, upon hiring Huggins yesterday, said -- I'm not even kidding -- "Bob's record speaks for itself." Yes Ed, his record does speak for itself. The fact that he even HAS a record speaks for itself. And Ed, that quote speaks for itself as to your judgment. Good luck with having to rationalize your decision after Huggins turns WVU into a not-quite-elite basketball factory that cares about its finished product, but not the workers who made it. I just wonder how many times you'll have to defend Huggins before you start to second guess your decision.

New Sgt. Peppers
To mark the 40th anniversary of the release of The Beatles' masterpiece Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, BBC2 is apparently gathering a bunch of bands to cover songs from the album for a special tribute that will air on June 2. It will feature Oasis, The Killers, Kaiser Chiefs, and Razorlight, among others. I like all of these bands, but I hate when anyone tries to cover The Beatles (Beatles tribute bands excluded). There should be both a written and unwritten rule prohibiting covering any Beatles song -- even Octopus's Garden -- in any sort of tangible medium.

First Three Albums of the Day
It's Hair Band Friday (just because I don't write about it anymore doesn't mean shit ain't goin' down), so you know I was listening to hair band music the whole day. Interesting tidbit: Def Leppard and Van Halen are two of only five rock groups (along with Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, and Pink Floyd) that have had two albums sell more than 10 million copies in the U.S. (not including greatest hits albums).

-Skid Row by Skid Row

1 comment:

Weez said...

I told you "The Dirt" was great. Didn't I buy that for your birthday? Wedding? Really? No? Hmmmm. I meant to. Best Wishes!