Thursday, January 24, 2008

Midwestern Eavesdropping - 1/24/08

Thirtysomething male discussing Chicago's recent smoking ban: "I smoke a lot less now. I don't think there's been a single night I've gone through more than a pack."
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Evaedroppers: GMYH and RDC

In lobby of apartment building:
Thirty something male: "Well, sure, but if you're Muslim, you're saying--"
Cornrowed Doorman: "I'm sayin', if you flip the script, ERIC, killin' a Christian is just like killin' Jesus all over again."
--Chicago, Clark & Burton
Eavesdropper: RobD

Twentysomething professionally dressed woman on otherwise silent crowded evening rush hour train, speaking very loudly into phone: "If he ever comes to Omar's house again, I'm not even gonna say anything. The silence will be deafening. I'm just gonna say nothing, walk over to the counter, grab a bottle, walk up to him and break it over his head, and I hope glass gets buried in his face."
She then went on to describe how she put a girl through a coffee table at a New Years Eve party and dragged the girl down the hallway.
--Chicago, Brown Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Two fortysomethings talking very loudly during a basketball game about their college-age daughter that usually shows up with an off the shoulder torn sweatshirt over her tights (which are not pants). She apparently couldn't make it to this one.
Dad: "Do you know any good carpenters?"
Buddy: "No, why?"
Dad: "My daughter broke her bed."
Buddy: "Oh, um..."
Dad: "Must be more quantity than quality these days."
-- Columbus, OH, Schottenstein Center, Section 127
Eavesdropper: NaviKate

Two thirtysomething males and a twentysomething female in a car, discussing dogs:
Male: "The best part about dogs is when you put peanut butter on your balls, they lick it off."
(pause for a few seconds)
Female: "I want a dog."
--somewhere in Northwest Indiana
Eavesdroppers: GMYH and Tron

Guy 1: "So what do you think about that girl I'm hitting on?"
Buddy: "Face 7.0, body 5.0."
Guy: "Yeah man, but if she hits the treadmill for six months she could be an 8 easy."
--St. Louis
Eavesdropper: Shep

A group of late 20s/early 30s men and women, before playing flippy cup, discuss what would happen if they got rich, and a male says: "If I ever get rich, Carol* would no longer be my wife."
--Chicago, Milwaukee & Erie
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Same male, at some point after someone farted during flippy cup: "Whenever I fart, I tell Carol* it's a slapper."
--Chicago, Milwaukee & Erie
Eavesdropper: GMYH

This is another one of those that's not necessarily eavesdropping, but it merits inclusion:
On a crowded evening rush hour train, a phone rings very loudly, playing "Orinoco Flow (Sail Away)" by Enya. A straight male (with wedding ring) in professional attire takes the phone out of his pocket and answers it as if there's nothing wrong with his ringer.
--Chicago, Purple Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

So there you go. For those of you contributing, thanks and keep up the good work. For everyone else, I know you're overhearing some funny shit because some of you tell me about it, but telling me something funny when I'm drunk is not as effective as emailing it to That way, the world can share in your eavesdroppings, and not just some drunk asshole who skis extremely fast.

1 comment:

Jayble said...

The thing about the treadmill comment is that you can't put girls on a program. They have to accept they need a program on their own.