Thursday, January 03, 2008

Midwestern Eavesdropping - 1/3/08

For the first MWE of 2008, we have a bountiful crop:

Guy in office bathroom stall, while shitting, mutters under his breath, but loud enough for people in other stalls to hear: "This is ridiculous."
--Chicago, Wacker & Madison
Eavesdropper: GMYH

4-year-old boy to babysitter, as boy’s 2-year-old sister is going to the bathroom: “Girls don’t have penises. They have holes.”
Eavesdropper: Ari

Twentysomething special ed teacher, after eating wings: "My hangnails are burning!"
--Chicago, O'Donovan's, 2100 W. Irving Park
Eavesdropper: GMYH

12-year-old boy to his teacher: "Chinese people sleep in drawers."
--Chicago, a public school
Eavesdropper: AlyK

Twentysomething wife to husband: “You should pick up the pipe.”
--Chicago, Kenmore & Diversey
Eavesdropper: GMYH

4-year-old boy farts very loudly earlier and says to babysitter, very matter-of-factly: "Its like a burp, but out my butt."
Eavesdropper: Ari

Secretary 1: “Well, I was pushin' it.”
Secretary 2: “Oh, so it's the cushion that you need. And the tightness.”
Secretary 1: “Yeah.”
--Chicago, law firm, Washington & Wacker
Eavesdropper: RobD

2-year-old boy, about his infant brother's umbilical cord nub: "It smells like poop and syrup."
--Springboro, OH
Eavesdropper: Mounty

And here is the Insight Bowl edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping:

Twentysomething female, after passing several ASU frat houses: "I would throw a lot of fruit if I lived here."
--Tempe, AZ, University & McAllister
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Guy on busy street asking for money: "Hey guys, give for herpes. It's the gift that keeps on giving."
--Tempe, AZ, Mill Ave.
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Late 20s male at fast food restaurant: "I TiVo Peoples Court."
--Tempe, AZ, In-N-Out Burger, 920 E. Playa Del Norte
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Waiter at Denny's, to table of 10 he is serving: "I might smell like pepper because my co-workers think it's funny to pour pepper on my back."
--Tempe, AZ, Denny’s, 650 N. Scottsdale Rd.
Eavesdroppers: GMYH, Wee Wee, Mounty, Holt, Ari, Jesterio, and others

Waiter at Denny's, explaining why a customer’s order of French toast never came out: "The reason why yours didn't come up is because the cook didn't cook it."
--Tempe, AZ, Denny’s, 650 N. Scottsdale Rd.
Eavesdroppers: GMYH, Wee Wee, Mounty, Holt, Ari, Jesterio, and others

Husband, on New Years Day: "I declare 2008 the year of doin’ it."
Wife: "Yeah, we'll be doing it like monkeys. Wait, do monkeys do it a lot? (pause) No, they just get AIDS."
--Tempe, AZ, Best Western, 670 N. Scottsdale Rd.
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks to everyone who contributed. It was a pretty good showing. Keep up the good work. And remember, whenever you overhear something funny, email it to, and it will be included in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.


wee said...

Don't act like you guys don't have an episode or two of People's Court on your Tivo.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe this addition of Midwestern Eavesdropping didn't have a single entry relating to donkey punch. The quotes were flowing like, dare I say it, Jamie's servings of donkey punch.