Palin-doomed

Well, I just watched Sarah Palin's speech at the Republican National Convention. It was a speech that seemed to say, "Hey, did you guys have any idea I was a mother and that I'm from a small town in Alaska and that John McCain is a prisoner of war?" She is a facially likeable person, I suppose.

• Conservatives like her because she's an out-of-touch gun nut who hates women's rights.
• Liberals like her because she obviously can't keep her pants zipped up.
• Women like her because she's a woman, which means that they will obviously be voting for McCain, you know, because Sarah Palin's a woman, and women of all ideologies will therefore vote for her. Because she's a woman.
• Transparency likes her because that's what her nomination is all about.
• IU fans like her because she can't pronounce Mackey.
• Purdue fans like her because she's the most attractive woman they've ever seen.
• University of Idaho alumni like her because finally they can stop answering questions about "that gay Senator dude."
• Commercial fisherman like her because finally they'll have a voice in Washington.
• Sailors like her because she obviously hates condoms.
• Hockey moms like her because no one had every heard of a fucking hockey mom before last weekend.
• Wasilla, Alaska likes her because she's the only one who can pronounce Wasilla properly.
• The Alaskan wildlife likes her because it has to, otherwise she will rape the shit out of it.
• Republican political consultants like her because she gives them a chance to put their feet in their mouths.
• Hippies like her because she gives her kids fucked up names.
• Her five children like her because she mentioned them on national television enough times to remind us that she has five kids.
• Irony likes her because she named her son with Down Syndrome Trig.
• Promiscuous teenage girls like her because, "see Mom, she lets her kids do it."
• Rednecks like her because she lets them fuck her daughter.
• Shotgun manufacturers like her because she isn't afraid to put one of their products firmly to the back of verile, scared shitless 17-year-old boy to benefit her own political career.
• John McCain likes her because he just met her for the first time tonight and realized that she has a family member for every one of his houses.
• Barack Obama likes her because she just sealed his victory.

The beauty about it is that, no matter what everyone thinks of her or whether she's a likeable woman, everyone can agree on one thing: she may be the least qualified vice presidential pick in American history. Anyone who thinks otherwise is absolutely kidding themselves. All other things equal, if she has a dick, she's not the VP nominee. Simple as that.