Guilty Pleasure Song Retort

As he's wont to do from time to time, Greg Weeser* emailed me in response to a blog post -- my Top Ten Guilty Pleasure Songs, which I posted yesterday. Since yesterday was his birthday, I will indulge him post haste. His comments are in yellow, and my responses are in non-yellow.

This response is too long to be a Blog Comment, but should be the subject of its *own* post, due to the severe ramifications of my accusations...(sorry for the Jesse Jackson impression)

Why are you sorry? Does Jesse Jackson unnecessarily capitalize "Blog Comment" too?

...but basically, you've failed big time (for the first time) in your Musical List entries...

I highly doubt that.

In order for a song to be a true 'guilty' pleasure, it must make you feel ACTUALLY GUILTY singing along or enjoying the song amongst your peers & contemporaries.

I disagree to a certain extent. As I explained in the post, "guilty pleasure" songs are, in my opinion, songs I'm not supposed to like from a social acceptability standpoint. I would not feel comfortable singing along in front of my peers to some of the songs on my list, but not all of them. But, again, I think your definition is too limiting. If "actual guilt" were the measuring stick, then I would have no guilty pleasure songs because I don't really feel guilty listening to -- and enjoying -- any music I own, aside from maybe "Look at Your Game Girl" by Charles Manson, since he ordered the execution of various innocent people, including a woman who was eight months pregnant.

There must be a residual bit of shame attached to your connection with the song, and that bit of shame is impossible if the song pre-dates your entry into adolescence/teenagerdom/adulthood. Anything before then is either 'cute' since it's a childhood memory (and therefore shame-proof, since it resides in the same nostalgic bin as bedwetting and public nose-picking)...or worse: kitschy, retro or ironic, if it is before your actual birth. Therefore, SIX of your songs are *DQed*, and your list is a big, g-damn do-over.

Not true. I would classify a song is a "guilty pleasure" if I would be embarrassed to be caught listening to it on my iPod on the train (if I actually listened to my iPod on the train) or if I would be embarrassed if someone came into my office and I was listening to it. I think I would be shamed if I was caught blasting "Dancing Queen" on the train, or if someone walked into my office in the middle of "You're So Vain." And I find nothing nostalgic about bedwetting. And what's with the "g-damn"? Are you really worried that it's the taking of the Lord's name in vain in an email that's hurting your chances of going to heaven?

Sorry bub. It's still my birthday for 27 more minutes, and I've been drinking...so I'm automatically right.

Happy birthday! But you're wrong.

"Since You've Been Gone"? Fine. Good. Plenty shameful.

That's why I put it on the list. And it's "Since U Been Gone."

But Carly Simon? The Carpenters? Air Supply? Go fuck yourself, you dirty hipster. Take off your pork-pie hat, put away your skinny jeans

I can't fuck myself. Lord knows I've tried. And I would hardly classify myself as a hipster. I don't own a pork-pie hat, my ass is far too bulbous for skinny jeans (not that I would wear them if it wasn't), I don't have a poorly grown mustache, many of my t-shirts are not ironic, I have a job that doesn't involve delivering sandwiches via bicycle, and I get weird looks when I go to bars in Wicker Park. While I'd rather not be constrained by socioeconomic group labels, I am, in fact, a young urban professional, or what narrow-minded folks might call a "yuppie."

and pick out some Real Skeletons from your (recent!) iTunes closet. Shit that you've downloaded and love...really, really LUV singing to in the car...and post those in the Top 10 list. *That's* a guilty pleasure, not just a list of cheesy 70s songs with a fun 'throwback' vibe.

I picked out the only "real skeletons" from my iTunes closet. Believe me, I scoured my iPod when putting together that list. I generally still just buy full albums (in hard copy form), and I don't download a lot of songs. The songs that I do download are usually awesome, as are the songs I love singing in the car. Nice plug for Southwest Airlines, by the way.

It's not as easy as I make it sound, however. Lots of 'Cheesy' songs don't qualify, since they could count as 'sexy' or 'classy'.

There is nothing sexy or classy about Air Supply.

Songs from Timberlake, Buble or, I dunno... Carolina Liar... are non-starters, because as gay as they may seem to dudes, you'd be perfectly willing to put them in on the 'shuffle' list if you thought they'd get you laid. Which they better, since it's certainly not your hair or your car. (Says the balding Accord driver...)

I don't listen to Timberlake, Buble, or Carolina Liar anyway. If I did, then they would most definitely be on the list. You must understand, I haven't driven to work in four years, which means I haven't listened to the radio in four years (and I didn't have iTunes before then). Furthermore, for the most part, the bars I frequent have jukeboxes (or, occasionally, live bands), rather than DJs. Thus, I have managed to shelter myself from many recent possible "guilty pleasure" songs simply by not listening to pop radio stations or going clubbing. Also, my "shuffle" list is my entire iPod, so I'm willing to put any song I own on my "shuffle" list, regardless of whether it might result in procreation. I resent your comment about my hair and car, the former being lush and the latter being a deceptively fast Swedish station wagon with a totally awesome nickname ("The Blaab"). I feel that neither has had a negative impact on my ability to engage in the most zesty of enterprises. In fact, if I had my old car (a '91 Accord) and a less full head of hair, I think my ability to take the skin boat to Tuna Town would be diminished (no offense).

So, it's gotta be songs that you'd *never* want your family, friends or potential mate to discover.
This is where you and I differ when it comes to the definition of "guilty pleasure." I think this takes it too far. Sure, I'd never want my mom to discover that I listen to NWA, although, as recently as 1992, I would blare it in my room when I was pissed off at her. And I won't play that for Daughter until she's at least two, when she's old enough to understand why "Fuck Tha Police" is awesome and can laugh when Judge Dre finds the police officer guilty of being a "redneck, white-bred, chicken shit motherfucker." But I have never felt guilty about listening to NWA. My friends? They know I have an eclectic taste in music, so I don't think there is much other than what I listed yesterday that I could even be potentially embarrassed about listening to. By "potential mate," I'll assume you mean my wife. She has access to all of my music. We have differing tastes.

(Def Leppard, as usual, is exempt. If some chick doesn't like the image of me singing "Foolin" into my bar of Anthony-For-Men Exfoliating Mud Scrub soap in the shower, then she can wash her own damn tits for all I care.)

Truer words have never been spoken. I am not, and will never be, embarrassed to listen to Def Leppard, or any other hair band music. It exemplifies all that was right about the 1980s.

Putting my money where my mouth is:
-"Good Girls Go Bad" by Cobra Starship, featuring Leighton Meester
-"Waking Up in Vegas" by Katy Perry
-"It's My Life/Confessions Pt II" mashup by the Cast of Glee
-"Poker Face" by Lady Gaga
-"I Love College" by Asher Roth
-"Call on Me" by Eric Pydz
-"Crushcrushcrush" by Paramore
-"The Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani, featuring Akon
-"Ice Cream" by Sarah McLachlan (actually, that got me laid once. Do-over)
-"Sugar, We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy
-"Take it Off" by The Donnas.

You should not put money in or near your mouth. It's dirty. Going back to what I said earlier, I really don't own many postadolescent songs that I would feel shameful listening to. I never bought any of the Lilith Fair-type stuff. I don't own too many recent pop songs. I don't listen to emo. I hate Creed and Nickleback. When I buy a single song on iTunes, it's usually because I like it. I suppose if I had "Single Ladies" by Beyonce (or any other Beyonce or Destiny's Child) on my iPod, that might make the list, but I don't own it. I like The Donnas, so there's nothing to be embarrassed about there (and you shouldn't feel shame when listening to chicks that rock out). For your edification, two songs that might be added to my list would be "Don't Let Me Get Me" by Pink and "Chop Suey!" by System of a Down, the latter because I don't like System of a Down at all. One song I used to have in college that I just thought of that would definitely make the list is "Barbie Girl" by Aqua. I might have to download that tonight.

Take THAT. (Which, actually, would have been a good choice for a band on the list as well. Gotta love the early Robbie Williams).

No, I don't gotta love the early Robbie Williams.

Your turn.

I just went.