Tuesday Top Ten: Guilty Pleasure Songs

I never really liked the term guilty pleasure as it applies to music. It implies that there are certain bands or songs you should feel guilty for listening to, even though you find them pleasurable. Hookers are a guilty pleasure; music is not. Nonetheless, that's what society would want me to call this post, so I am referring to the ten songs below as my top ten guilty pleasure songs. I'm not supposed to like these songs for one reason or another. They're supposed to be too cheesy, too soft, too schmaltzy, or simply too gay (I mean that in the homosexual way, not the pejorative way) for them to be socially acceptable for me to enjoy them. But I do. And it tears me up inside.

With that, here are my top ten guilty pleasure songs, in alphabetical order by artist:

1. "Dancing Queen" by ABBA
I don't care how cheesy and '70s fabulous this song is, it's one of the catchiest songs ever written, simple as that. I read an article once about why ABBA's music is so universally loved. Apparently, there is something in their songs -- I can't remember if it's the melody, the pitch, the chords, the song structure, or what -- that makes it the most sonically pleasurable music for a listener.

2. "The Sign" by Ace of Base
Filling the hole in Swedish pop left by ABBA's absence, Ace of Base burst onto the scene with stories of wanting babies and the like. "The Sign" was something a high school dude who was into metal and rap should not have liked. But he did.

3. "Makin' Love Out of Nothing At All" by Air Supply
Conventional wisdom tell you that no one under fifty should like Air Supply. Sure, they're cheesy and emblematic of what was wrong with music in the early '80s, but don't kid yourself. This song, written by master of epics Jim Steinman (see also, Meat Loaf's "Paradise By the Dashboard Lights" and Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart"), takes Russell Hitchcock and Graham Russell to the edge. Interestingly, the backing musicians on this song include E-Street Band members Roy Bittan and Max Weinberg on keyboards and drums, respectively, as well as Rick Derringer on guitar.

4. "All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey is generally a catastrophe, and I can count on one hand the number of her songs I can tolerate, but this song is just so damn catchy. And it's got a great Wall of Sound feel to it. I kid you not, I can listen to this song over and over again and never tire of it.

5. "Superstar" by The Carpenters
I normally don't endorse musicians with eating disorders, but Karen Carpenter killed it on this one. It's '70s schmaltz, but when it kicks into "Don't you remember you told me you love me baby," it's awesome. Hell, if it's good enough for Sonic Youth to cover or for Tommy Callahan to sing, it's good enough for anyone.

6. "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson
I try my damnedest to avoid anything or anyone ever having to do with American Idol. This song, however, has many redeeming qualities, particularly it's anthemic and surprisingly rocking qualities.

7. "MMMBop" by Hanson
If you tell me you didn't secretly like this song back in 1997, then you are lying. As much as you wanted to hate these androgynous, long-haired prepubescent brothers, you thought they sung a catchy tune. And, if your last name is Quagmire, you thought Taylor Hanson was a girl.

8. "Candle in the Wind" by Elton John
I'm not a big Elton John fan, but I have always liked this song (the original version, not the compromised second draft). I used to terrorize bad kids when I was a camp counselor by signing this song to them. It would usually make them cry. And to think, now I'm a parent.

9. "Mandy" by Barry Manilow
It sucks you in with its mythological back story and smooth crooning. By the time he hits you with the chorus, it's too late. You came and you gave without taking.

10. "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon
This song is awesome. It has great lyrics about some d-bag who walks into parties like he's walking onto yachts, wears apricot scarves, bets on winning horses at Saratoga, and flies to Nova Scotia to see solar eclipses. Maybe he's so vain because the song IS about him. And because he's awesome.