QBs and OCs

Fridays are great, aren't they? Especially in my office, where every Friday is Hair Band Friday. You laugh, but are you rocking out in your office to Gorky Park's "Bang" right this second? Unlikely, but you wish you were. The booze, coke, and groupies are just an added bonus. I'm really pleased with the stripper pole I recently added. It helps some of the ladies come out of their shell a little. That and the coke. On another note, I bet the Scorpions are never asked to perform at any Hurricane Katrina benefit concerts. Just in case.

Now to The OC. Last night's episode was naughty, intriguing, and downright angering at times. I walked away from it with a better sense of self and, at the same time, the feeling that I had no idea who I am. Best part of the episode: Seth gives his mom (who is in rehab) a copy of what I can only assume no one in rehab should ever read, Motley Crue's biography, "Dirt." ("Would you look at this? Nikki Sixx OD'd on heroin, died, and came back to life. Maybe this vodka isn't so bad after all.")

Man, Dean Hess (that new dean at Harbor) is probably the most immediately disagreeable character in television history. What an asshole. If you took a 6-foot tall penis and dressed it up with a blond wig and a pastel vest, you'd have this guy. Did you see the way he grabbed Marissa at the Kick-Off Carnival? If Harbor was a public school, that mofo would have been fired on the spot and had a lawsuit filed against him the next morning. Yet another reason not to send your kids to private school.

And what the hell is Charlotte (Jeri Ryan) trying to pull on Kirsten? Her cabins in the woods, shifty eyes, and whiskey breath will not be tolerated much longer, unless of course her goal is to make out with Kirsten. Sadly, I don't think that's in the cards, since they already had a lesbian subplot last year. At best, she'll request some three-way lovin' with the Cohens (after all, she must have learned a thing or two in those Paris sex clubs). Sandy will be turned off at first, but he'll come around when he realizes that he gets to bang 2 drunk chicks at once. Kirsten will be so soused she won't even know what's hittin' her (and I mean "hittin'" in the gangsta sense of the word). My guess is that Charlotte is Oliver's mom, and at some point, she's going to start smacking herself in the head while holding Kirsten for ransom at gun-point.

The big revelation next week is going to be who gets Caleb Nichol's phatty estate. Will it be the deserving, yet alcoholic, daughter, Kirsten, or will it go to Caleb's whore wife/ex-wife, Julie Cooper-Nichol and her ex-husband/future husband, Jimmy "I just can't stop losing other people's money" Cooper? My guess is that it goes to Caleb's almost-forgotten daughter Lindsay (played by Shannon Lucio, who also starred in the made-for-TV phenomenon, "Spring Break Shark Attack"). Either that, or it will go to Seth. I can't seriously foresee Julie getting anything, except nailed by that creepy dude who used to own the rights to her stag flick.

I didn't get to see Reunion last night because our fearless leader had to talk about the clusterfuck in Louisiana. At least Halliburton is getting a nice fat government contract out of the deal (http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/chi-0509150092sep15,1,3603154.story).

Also, former NFL punching bag Gary Hogeboom is on Survivor: Guatemala. What's next, Jack Trudeau on Fear Factor? Steve Grogan and Tony Eason teaming up against Tommy Kramer and Wade Wilson for a fantastically non-prolific Amazing Race? A likely overweight Bobby Hebert trying desperately to get back to his playing weight on Celebrity Fit Club? Vince Ferragamo getting flabbergasted at his temporary wife's idiosyncracies on Trading Spouses? Billy Joe Tolliver finally getting that makeover and reconstructive surgery he's always needed on The Swan? Steve Bartkowsi fighting to accept his station in life as an indentured servant on PBS's Colonial House? Neil Lomax starring in his own extremely short-lived reality show, Being Neil Lomax? Eric Hipple wreaking havoc on So You Think You Can Dance (note in Hipple's picture, he appears to either be biting his nails or smoking a joint, neither of which should be done on an NFL sideline)?