Have You Seen Saw? I Saw Saw

Last night was good ol' movie night here in Sunny D. This week it was at "NaviKate" Rohrer's hizzie. In attendance was a virtual who's who of Ohio's "40 under 40": Jamie "Still Canadian in His Heart" Belanger, Amy "Heir to the Bartlett Pear Empire" Belanger, Aiden "AC" Belanger, Kim "I Hate Scary Movies But I Really Wanted to See Saw" Byrum, Casey "I Can Eat More Dessert Than You Can" Mayo, Jessie "Domestic Goddess" LeMar, Jenn "I'm Too Busy at Work to Stay for the Movie, So I'm Still Technically a Rookie" Weisgerber, and of course me. For movie night, Jessie made some "Better Than Robert Redford" dessert, a delightful combination of pudding, Cool Whip, and some other shit. Since I have not yet had Robert Redford (in the biblical sense), I can't say for sure that it was better than Bob, but unless his sweat tastes like heaven on a plate, he'll have an uphill battle.

We saw Saw, a zany, laugh-a-minute, pick-me-up comedy about two guys trapped in a room who have to figure out a way to get out. If you're looking to laugh -- and I mean really laugh -- then Saw is the movie for you. And how could it not be hysterical with such comedy stars as Keeping the Faith's Ken Leung, Operation Dumbo Drop's Danny Glover, one of the many stars of Who's Harry Crumb? (Shawnee Smith), Mrs. Patch Adams (Monica Potter), and the man in tights himself, Cary Elwes? There was one part where one guy was getting a head-beating with a porcelain toilet tank cover and it actually cracked in half. I haven't laughed that hard since Mel Gibson wielded his hatchet and went all Gacy on that bastard Red Coat in The Patriot. Anywho, you guys should check it out. Just make sure that when you're watching it you aren't drinking anything you don't want coming out of your nose.

Speaking of Gacy, what a misunderstood guy!! I find it hard to believe that a construction-company-owning clown who loved to paint somehow sodomized and killed 33 teenage boys and then stacked their bodies neatly in his suburan home's crawlspace. Can anyone say "framed"? It's just a shame that he was executed before Illinois commuted all death sentences to life in prison. I think we all know that he would have been exonerated if he had the chance. Come on folks, he was a clown, which means he was incapable of inflicting harm upon anything.

I just read that a 1953 Mark Rothko "painting," entitled "Homage to Matisse," sold for $22.4 million at a Christie's auction, setting a record for post-WWII "artwork." Take a look at this painting and tell me it's not worth $22.4 million. I can only imagine what was going on in Rothko's head at the time he painted it. "Okay, how in the world am I going to show Matisse that I'm a totally huge fan and I would pretty much do anything for him to notice me? Maybe if I spread my own poop on a rectangular piece of canvas, then paint a navy blue rectangle on the bottom. Hmmm, that's a good start, but it needs more. Maybe I'll mix some white into the poop to make a slightly-lighter-than-poop-colored sqaure at the top. Now it's really starting to take shape. But it's still missing something. Silly me, of course! A blood red line between the blue and light poop boxes, because:
Sometimes poop is light, sometimes poop is dark,
Sometimes poop is bloody, and sometimes poop is art.
But I tell you this my friends, go tell your sons and daughters,
No matter what the color, poop should always fall into water.
I think Henri will really appreciate this. I just hope he sees this and realizes how much he means to me."

Needless to say, I think we all need to start painting because if this can fetch $22.4 million, imagine what a nice painting of a clown can get.