Just when I thought it was once again safe to shit at work, a fecal phantom has struck again, instilling fear in the hearts and minds of the well-intentioned, socially adjusted shitters like me. This time, it wasn't so much the short duration of the pooing that disturbed me. In fact, this phantom took an unusually long dump for a phantom (i.e., longer than 60 seconds), thus lulling me into a false sense of security that he was in fact not a fecal phantom. Rather, what I found more distubring than two homeless people making out was the fact that there was only ONE pulling of toilet paper, and a short pull at that (2-3 squares, tops). The time between toilet-paper-pulling and flushing was a shade under 6 seconds. It was almost as if this guy only pulled down some toilet paper to make me think that he wiped. At least I caught a glipmse of this dude's left foot. Now I have to spend the rest of the day looking for someone wearing black shoes and charcoal gray pinstriped pants so I can be sure he doesn't sit down in my office, leaving a chocolate wet spot on the chairs that people I interview sit in. My door is currently closed, and I don't foresee it opening until at least 8pm tonight.
In other news, it appears that Jason "Wee Wee" Whitney is lucky No. 2000. Expect his biography to be posted tomorrow.
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