Tact

One of the perks of having my office close to a conference room and next to a vacant secretary station is that when depositions are held in said conference room, during breaks in said depositions, opposing attorneys LOVE to talk on their cell phones right outside of my office in said secretary station. Right now, some fembot has been talking rather loudly, unaware that I can hear every worthless, piece-of-shit word that is coming out of her mouth right now.

Minute 3: Hmm, curtains seem like an appropriate topic of conversation while taking a break from a deposition. While I've never taken, defended, or been the witness in a deposition, I can only assume that when I do so, I will be rushing out of the room during breaks to talk to someone who I assume is a complete moron about curtains.

Minute 10: She's honestly been talking about curtains for 10 minutes. For Christ's sake, just go with the white ones. After all, they fit the windows perfectly and they go well with the color of the wall.

Minute 13: Good Lord, I thought it was over, but now she's talking about shower curtains. I can't believe she decorated her parents' whole bathroom around a shower curtain, especially considering the fact that dad "couldn't stand" the thought of throwing away his bath mat! What in this woman's mind made her think, "Hey, I got some time before I need to get back to that depo. Maybe I should annoy the shit out of the guy in this office."

Minute 18: Shit, I think they might have broken for lunch, which means I could have a full hour of this. Isn't this woman hungry?

Minute 22: Oh good, she finally left.

Minute 24: No, no, wait, she just went to the bathroom, and apparently didn't end the conversation while in there (not sure how she did that exactly, but I'm actually kind of turned on). And now she's back at the vacant secretary station yakin' away. Stop talking about your dad's bathroom! For shit's sake, we get it--he didn't want you to change it, but you did.

Minute 25: Okay, I finally don't hear anything. Maybe she's gone, or better yet dead.

Minute 27: I'm not even kidding--she just came out of the bathroom again while talking on the phone. This woman is about to get stabbed in the mouth. Luckily, she just said "okay, bye," closed her flip phone, and walked past my office toward the elevators and conference room. I'll keep everyone posted if she returns, which is a near guarantee given the conversation I just had to listen to.