I Think I Meant Copper

Last night, as I was in the midst of my wildly unsuccessful nightly attempts at seducing my wife, I came up with a sweet pickup line that is guaranteed to work as well as it did for me: "Baby, you're like a magnet, and I'm like every metal but nickel." I have come to find out that this is a horrible pickup line for many reasons. First, Jessie laughed her ass off, but did not take her clothes off, instead giving me a that's-adorable-but-you're-not-getting-any "good night." Second, it turns out that nickel is in fact magnetic, so the pickup line makes no sense whatsoever. Third, even if it did make sense, it has already been deemed by one woman I used it on last night to be "the worst pickup line of all-time." She actually asked me if I just came up with that, thinking that there's no way I could have possibly come up with something that horribly ineffective on my own. Use it at your own risk.

On a completely random note, is anyone else confused about the Ford F150 commercials where token redneck pickup truck driver Toby Keith asks viewers if we're "ready for a throwdown?" My answer would be a resounding "no" because I don't even know what there is to fight about, and even if I did, I can't say for sure that I would be ready for it.

That's all I got today, so check out this flippin' sweet picture sent to me a couple weeks ago by local pedophile and Napoleon Dynamite fan Kim "By and" Byrum, who kidnapped this young, gay, anglo-hispanic couple, forced them to dress up like Napoleon and a young Geraldo, and then took them to the woods where she took pictures of them looking completely disinterested and downright self-righteous, respectively. Kim, you're sick.