Thursday, January 25, 2007

Because They're Whores

In case there are any female Colts or Bears fans out there itching for a trip to Miami to watch the big game, apparently all you have to do is one of the two following things:
  1. If you're hot, you put a picture of yourself on eBay wearing a fantastically revealing Walter Payton jersey, and you allow men to bid on taking you on a "date" to the Super Bowl, explaining that you already bought a plane ticket to Miami and you actually just want to go to the game, and you provide explicit language explaining that you are not an escort. Unfortunately, the post has been taken off of eBay. The winning bid at the time was $99,999,999.00. Unfortunately that's the highest I could go.
  2. If you're trashy, you put up a post on Craigslist entitled "Indecent Proposal: a night with ME for SuperBowl Tickets! Not kidding! - $1" (along with a picture of you in lingerie), proclaiming that you are willing to do anything for a pair of Super Bowl tickets for you and your fiance. Of course, by "anything," she means "anyone with a pair of Super Bowl tickets and possibly his retarded brother if that's what I have to do." And of course, she wants to be discrete, so she wants to make sure her fiance never finds out, which is probably why she posted a picture of herself on the internet. ("Hell, if I am drunk enough (greygoose & red bull)and you are cute enough,(or nice enough) maybe we will hit it off and be romantic for the night but I promise, I will stay at your place or hotel if you can keep a secret and if you really have a pair of tickets for him!") Despite the fact that she is most certainly and extremely overtly selling sex for a pair of Super Bowl tickets, she exclaims, "I am not selling sex!" and that she is "not a slut or a hooker." It's unclear as to whether she has actually looked up the definition of "hooker" or "selling." My favorite part is when she says, "this is a romantic way to show [my fiance] I love him." I know that when Jessie and I were engaged, one of the things I would do to make sure she knew that I loved her was to fuck a stranger in exchange for tickets Van Gogh/Gauguin exhibit at the Art Institute. She's just smart enough that a pair of fake tickets would provide a fitting end to her means. Oh, also, she's a Colts fan.

4 comments:

hooker said...

seriously, i'm not selling sex. and by 'sex' i'm referring to the clinton definition.

RDC said...

I missed this yesterday:

"I didn't know where to post this ad but I will fly anywhere you want me or whatever works best. If you like me and want to help with the travel to the game and a hotel there for us, I can maybe stay an extra night with you. "

Is "John" an occupation?

Bob Terwilliger said...

Until Christoff is willing to give up his beloved "ass groove" in his couch, it does not seem that anyone is truly selling his/her soul to watch a Cols' victory.

RDC said...

AC, stop hiding behind an alias...and who are the Cols?