Page 47

In the past two nights I've caught up on the last 5 episodes of The OC (which didn't feature nearly enough Bullitt). The most important development in the show is that Taylor Townsend's ex-husband Henri-Michel (who bears a strong resemblance to former Northwestern guard Mohamed Hachad) wrote a steamy novel entitled "A Season for Peaches," loosely based on his sex-filled courtship of, and marriage to, Taylor. You may recall that "peaches" was Henri-Michel's pet name for Taylor's tah-tahs. "A Season for Peaches" gets translated into English and is a huge hit in the US.

Apparently page 47 involves an act of sexual deviance that is particularly scandalous and notorious amongst the readers, although its contents are never revealed. Here's what we do know: it happened in public, possibly in the Chunnel, it may be illegal, and it involved some limberness on Taylor's part.

Of course, this begs the question: what tawdry act of ribaldry did Taylor and Henri-Michel engage in? Here are my guesses:

• Upsidedown felching
• Some sort of reverse spoon position with a very thick cucumber
• A Viennese oyster on the top of a white 1983 Cadillac limo
• Wobbly H with Henri-Michel and Henry Rollins on a flatbed truck with "Liar" by The Rollins Band blaring
• Taylor shaved Henri-Michel completely bald, holding a Gillette Fusion solely with her hoo-ha
• Anal
• The congress of the cow in the backseat of a Smart Car
• A walking 69 on the top of a double-decker sightseeing bus during a tour of Paris
• A lotus while strapped to one of those rotating carvinal knife-throwing circles, topped off by a Cincinnati bowtie
• A T-square while suspended from the middle of the Arc de Triomphe with bungie cords
• I don't know what you would call it -- perhaps "footing" -- but they're both doing it to each other at the same time (up to the ankle)

Feel free to chime in with your own guesses.