Midwestern Eavesdropping - 1/18/07

Midwestern Eavesdropping is back with a vengeance. Here you go:

Twentysomething male: "So I'm drunk and I buy a shovel."
--Chicago, Easy Bar, Division & Damen
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething male, after seeing female bartender wearing extremely low-cut jeans: "She's kind of a butterface, but I can't stop focusing on how much I want to eat her pussy."
--Chicago, Leopard Lounge, Bucktown
Eavesdropper: RDC

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "I love goats soooo much. I'm a goat lover."
--Chicago, Vaughan's, Sheffield & Oakdale
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething USC grad: "You know what my man's nightmare is? My man's nightmare is there's a clown holding him down and signing a Phil Collins song and forcing him to eat mayonnaise."
--Chicago, some hotdog stand
Eavesdropper: AlyK

Thirtysomething female: "If the penis is that cold, I don't want any part of it."
--Chicago, Vaughan's, Sheffield & Oakdale
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Twentysomething special ed teacher: "I don't know if it's my feet or the dog's breath I smell."
--Chicago, Cornelia & Damen
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Woman 1: "How was Galena?"
Woman 2, nonchalantly: "My husband collapsed in the shower."
--Chicago, Wacker & Madison
Eavesdropper: GMYH

At a Mexican restaurant:
Old guy, to waitress: "Can I have some authentic Mexican coffee?"
Waitress returns with a cup of coffee and says: "Well, we didn't have any Mexican coffee, but we had a Mexican make the coffee."
--Cleveland, a Mexican restaurant
Eavesdropper: The Cleveland Steamers

2 Ohio State alums meet in a bar:
Guy: "I graduated in '03, but I went to law school."
Girl: "They have a law school there?
--Chicago, Kirkwood Bar & Grill, Sheffield & Oakdale
Eaveadropper: GMYH

This really isn't an eavesdropping, but it was a pretty good story recently told to me by the guy who it's about:
Thirtysomething male, completely hammered and wearing only his boxers, gets out of bed at his girlfriend's place to go to the bathroom and accidentally walks into his girlfriend's roommate's room thinking it's the bathroom. Roommate wakes up, but is virtually blind without her glasses on, and it's dark. Thus, she thinks someone is breaking in and/or about to attack her. Guy goes into roommate's private bathroom, then comes out. Roommate still can't see who it is:
Girl: "Who are you?"
Guy: "Don't be scared."
Guy, apparently thinking it's his girlfriend's room, proceeds to get into bed with her and tries to spoon her, prompting her to get up and turn on the light, at which point she realizes it's him.
--Chicago
Storyteller: Naheehs

This also really isn't an eavesdropping, but it's another one of those things that deserves mention. It's an email to me from Tron, and it's a keeper:
"I want a toilet that can detect how much is in it, and then calculate a custom flush so that a piss does not get as much water used as a giant deuce. while you're at it, can you put in an alarm that lets you know when you are close to plugging the toilet."

Thanks again to everyone who submitted, and as always, if you overhear anything worthy of internet publication, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next installment of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

And I have a new winner for the category of "Best Picture from New Years That I Was In" (thanks to Katie B. for the pic):