Midwestern Eavesdropping - March 26, 2009

I forgot to post this last week, so there is a bevy of eavesdroppings:

Drunk guy to drunk girl, outside of a bar: "I will stick my finger up your ass and there is nothing you can do about it!"
--Chicago, Wrightwood Tap, Wrightwood & Seminary
Eavesdropper: Gregerson

Twentysomething female: "I wish I had pocket Pictionary."
Male: "I have a pocket rocket."
Female: "What's a pocket rocket?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Dude to Female #1: "Have you ever had a walking taco?"
Female #2, referring to women everywhere: "Aren't we all?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Special ed teacher discussing whether special ed kids come to school on a short bus: "Our retards come to school like everyone else."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Dude referring to beating some much younger gamers at Big Buck Hunter: "I said I'm going to school them, not Catholic School them."
--Chicago, Wrightwood Tap, Wrightwood & Seminary
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Teacher discussing scholastic bowl that she coaches: "We did a thing with geography with the old name of a country and a new name, and the only one I knew was that Burma is Malaysia."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Husband: "Maybe we should get a landline at our next place."
Wife: "It has been so long since I have had one that I don't know if I will remember how to use one."
Husband: "Wait, don't you have one at work?"
Wife: "Oh yeah, I guess I do."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Teacher, during a discussion of the origins of the "Ides of March": "It's not in Macbeth. It's in the one where everyone dies. Hamlet, right?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

One woman to another while watching a blind man on a reality TV show: "Dude, what's with all the blind dudes lately? Blind is in. Blind is the new black."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Guy at bar, emphatically, to some of his friends: "NFL players should never own boats."
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Two twentysomething female teachers talking to each other at a Blackhawks game:
Teacher #1: "Aren't rubber & plastic the same thing?"
Teacher #2: "Don't they come from the same tree?"
Teacher #1: "Is it a rubber tree or a rubber bush?"
Teacher #2: "I don't know this is confusing"
--Chicago, United Center, Madison & Damen
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething female: "I'll tell you what. . . I can't sweep. I don't like to bend over. I just kick the stuff into the dustpan."
--Chicago, United Center, Madison & Damen
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Wife: "Have you ever taken it in the face before?"
Husband: "Yes I have. . . wait, I'm talking about a hockey stick."
Wife: "Sure."
--Chicago, United Center, Madison & Damen
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thanks to those who contributed. For all others, you too are free to contribute. When you overhear something hilarious, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next Midwestern Eavesdropping. Hell, put the email address into your iPhones, Blackberries, Treos, or whatever other email-capable phone you might use, for easy access. It will revolutionize both your life and mine.