I was on Al Gore's internet the other day, and I came across an interesting article detailing what the author felt were the most annoying things a co-worker can do. I generally agreed with most of them. However, I feel that I can add my own flavor to such a list. Some of these overlap with the items in the article, and some are my own.
10. Loud cell phone ringers.
You're at work. Put it on vibrate or mute. There is absolutely no reason I should be hearing a MIDI version of Vivaldi's Four Seasons from the opposite side of the floor.
9. Burning popcorn.
Are you fucking kidding me? How many goddamn times have you cooked popcorn in your life? And how many times has it taken more than three minutes? Then why the fuck are you setting the microwave for eight minutes and then walking away?!
8. When someone asks "where are we on [insert name of assignment]?"
WE are nowhere on it because WE are not working on it. I, on the other hand, will get it to you when I'm good and goddamn ready to give it to you, sir.
7. When someone talks about their kids at inappropriate times.
"I just got back from New York." "Oh, that reminds me of my little Madison. Yesterday she put on my sunglasses. It was soooo funny. Can you imagine?!" Fuck. You.
6. Whistling.
Unless you are a midget living in Bavaria's Black Forest with six other midgets and some hot, strange, trusting brunette, then you should not be whistling while you work.
5. The use of the Blackberry while shitting.
This is simply vile, and I can't stand it. I cringe every time I hear someone playing with their roller ball after undoubtedly touching their actual balls. At least it's fun to think that every time they talk on their phone, they are probably smashing little pieces of their own fecal matter against their faces.
4. Wear jeans when it's not a jeans day.
If I could wear jeans to work anytime I wanted, I would do that. However, it's not allowed, so when I see someone doing it, not only am I jealous, but I also want to punch that person in the face.
3. The failure to wipe toilet seat off.
I've said it before, and unfortunately I'll probably have to say it again: there is nothing more disturbing than walking into a stall to see a toilet seat plastered with another man's ass hair.
2. Talking shit about co-workers to co-workers.
It almost always gets back. After all, the entire reason some people work is to hear and spread gossip. And if it's work-related shit that you were talking about a co-worker, that just makes you look even that much worse.
1. Talking on speaker phone.
Just because "speaker" is an option on your phone does not mean you should use speaker phone every single time you place or receive a telephone call. This is one of the worst workplace transgressions, in my mind. What the hell is wrong with people? You're conducting business, not chatting on a late-night party line. If you feel the need to use speaker phone, close your fucking door.
How about you guys? Anything that your co-workers do that chaps your ass?
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4 comments:
Conducting personal hygene at the office. A co-worker used to clip his nails out in the open.
I have a co-worker that continually bounces a hard rubber ball of the wall of his office for 10-15 minutes at a time. During meetings, while on the speaker phone, basically whenever he is in his office. Where's Terry Tate when you need him?
I agree totally on the burning popcorn. Honestly, how can so many people be so absolutely inept at cooking microwave popcorn?
using pet names for opposing counsel. i have a female colleague that refers to a particularly aggressive attorney as "mr. grouchy face." listen, woman, nobody thinks its clever. i bet boogers make you giggle, too, don't they? shut. up.
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