Sham WOW

If you're like me -- and for your sake, let's hope not -- you like products that can soak up a seemingly unbelievable amount of liquid or chop food with ease. Even more, you like the men who pawn these products on TV to the American public. Therefore, you like Vince Schlomi, the genius behind the ShamWow commercials, not to mention the Slap Chop -- the food chopper that, among other things, separates the skin from the onion with a simple slap of the hand. And it's easy to clean too. You don't want bacteria getting into your food chopper. I would buy a dead pigeon from this man if he told me to.

Anyway, apparently Vince likes high-priced South Beach hookers. What he doesn't like is when high-priced South Beach hookers try to bite his tongue off instead of letting him give them the ol' ShamWow, if you know what I mean. Thanks to Adam for the link. Apparently, some whore (literally!) tried to bit his tongue off, and then they beat the shit out of each other, probably with some slapping and chopping. No word on how easily he was able to get the blood stains out of the carpet.