Drunker Than You Are

So you had a pretty killer night of partying last night. You and Liam made it through to the next round robin, so you got hammered. You may have exposed yourself to an eight-year-old. It's now 10:45 a.m., and you're still so drunk you can barely walk. No worries, though, because your ponytail is still braided very securely. You have only one option. It's not passing out. It's not drinking some water. It's not walking door-to-door in your neighborhood to tell everyone you're a pederast. No, no. You gotta keep the party going by grabbing a 12-er of Bud diesel – Liam's favorite. You can do it. In your words, "Nobody fucks with the Jesus!" So you walk into the local mini-mart near the In-and-Out Burger on Camrose. Nothing can stop you. Except you . . .


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My favorite part starts at about the 3-minute mark when a worker bearing a strong resemblance to Buddy Ryan (both in stature and defensive genius) spots Jesus. Of course, Jesus waves Buddy off, as everything was obviously fine. He was just sitting down for a couple minutes, and if it weren't for this damned ninety-pound 12-pack of Bud, he would have been up and about sooner. Then he fails miserably trying to exit the store. Way to grab onto the plastic bowl of coffee creamers to try to prevent yourself from falling. Creep can roll.

Thanks to Chenandler Bong for the link.