Where's Carl Spackler When You Need Him?

In case you guys haven't vomited yet today, in my daily internet search for spider feces (in case you're wondering, I have an acute form of arachnofecalphilia), I happened upon a dastardly story out of Florida. On Saturday night, some guy named Robert Stark Higgins was arrested after he broke into someone else's yard and took a dip in their pool. What makes this unusual is that Higgins was naked. And "covered in feces." Poor guy probably just wanted to clean all the shit off of himself. I find it rather irritating that, after making several references to the fact that Higgins was covered in feces, the story fails to explain why he was "covered" in feces, how he "covered" his entire naked body in shit, whose poop it was, or, most importantly, where he stored enough of a volume of feces to cover himself.