Tuesday Top Ten: Things You Should Be For Halloween

As you may know, Halloween is my favorite holiday.  I kind of got a late start this year thinking of a Halloween costume, so a week or two ago, when I decided on the fox from "What Does The Fox Say?" -- along with hundreds of thousands of other people, apparently.  The cheapest fox costume I could find online was $200 on Amazon, although it was the "official" costume from the video.  I have since decided on several other costumes, which I will choose not to reveal just yet.  The beauty about Halloween is that, assuming your wife lets you, you can have three different costumes -- one for Friday night, one for Saturday night, and one for Halloween proper.

If you are still looking for ideas, I have some.  There are more than ten because I am a fountain of ideas.  They're not all good, but that's what you get for waiting so long.  

1.  A seal.  As long as you only say "ow ow ow" the entire night.

2.  Bad Grandpa

3.  Slutty Jethro Tull.  The whole night, people would be asking "what are you?" and you can answer, "A horse-drawn ho."  People probably won't get it, but you should never play down to your audience.

4.  Fizbo the Clown

5.  The Jackalope.  You could just spend the whole night running away from people and saying "fast as fast can be, you'll never catch me."  I'm literally crying because I'm laughing so hard thinking about how great this would have been in 1992.

6.  Jack the Stripper.  Basically, this would be a slutty Jack the Ripper, which is ironic because Jack the Ripper disemboweled sluts (whores, actually, but six of one, half-dozen of the other).

7.  Cosmo Kramer

8.  Baby Hitler.  You know, before he was evil.  If nothing else, it will start an interesting conversation about whether humans are born good or evil.  Nature versus nurture.  That kind of thing.  On second thought, you should never dress up as Hitler.

9.  Robert Montgomery Burns.  Basically, it would be Mr. Burns in a red sweater, trying to throw a chair, but he can't because he's too weak.

10.  Zombie Ron Santo

11.  Fruit of the Loom guys.  This is a group costume, obviously, because it would be weird if a giant sprig of grapes was walking around alone.

12.  Lazlo from Real Genius

13.  The Baseball Furys from The Warriors

14.  The Birds and The Bees

15.  Slutty Walter White.  That Breaking Bad is so hot right now.

16.  Bad Santa.  You'll have to find a midget to dress up as an elf, so this one might be difficult.

17.  Rick Allen from Def Leppard, if you're an asshole.

That's all I've got right now.