"And I'd Say We're Still Kicking Ass"

Most of the weekend's events are wholly inconsequential in light of last night's main event. While you SOBs were watching Desperate Housewives, I was rocking out to none other than Mötley fucking Crüe in Dayton's beautiful Nutter Center. It was fantastic. The Carnival of Sin tour is a sordid combination of music, short films, ghoulish characters, flying drummers, scantily clad female trapeze artists, pyschosexual undertones, and outright erotic debauchery, with the kind of massive, yet controlled, pyrotechnics that would make Great White say "man, we should've used those guys" (too soon?).

Joining me for the show were Holt "Too Fast for Love" Hedrick and Ian "Shout at the Devil" Taronji, and I think I speak for both of them when I say that we were more than overjoyed with the 2 1/2 hour performance.

Vince Neil (real name Vincent Neil Wharton) came out wearing a red cod piece and a white denim jacket that said "Fuck Off" on the back. He was hitting high notes like it was 1981 at the Troubadour. Nikki Sixx (real name Frank Carlton Serafino Ferranno) was glammed up, complete with dark lipstick, eye shadow, and a noticeable lack of heroin. Mick Mars (real name Robert Alan Deal), a walking soul and the oldest member of the band by 7 years, continued to be completely incapable of relating to any other human being, but also completely incapable of not wailing on his guitar. And of course Tommy Lee (real name Thomas Lee Bass) had a mohawk and was working the crowd like a high-priced call girl.

Here are some of the highlights from the show:

1. Mullets, mullets, and more mullets. And just when you think you've seen all the mullets you can see, bam, another mullet.
2. There was a good number of tricks walking around wearing ass-length jean skirts and knee-high pleather boots, honestly believing that (1) they had a chance of getting banged by a guy in the group and (2) that said banging would be the turning point in an otherwise meaningless life. My only hope is that a roadie took full advantage of the situation ("sure I can get you backstage, but you have to do something for me first").
3. After saying, "God bless all the titties of America," Tommy Lee busted out Nikki Sixx's video camera and zoomed in on various women throughout the crowd, who he then prodded to show the camera their sometimes luscious boobs, which were then shown on the 2 big screens to the entire arena. With only one exception, every classy woman he targeted showed her tah-tahs to several thousand complete strangers.
4. During "Home Sweet Home," the crowd had a good lighter showing:
5. The years have apparently made the Crüe unable to go a sentence without inserting the word "fucking" before or in the middle of at least three words. For instance, at one point Nikki Sixx said, "You guys fucking have no i-fucking-dea how fucking much you guys fucking rock." Seriously, "i-fucking-dea." I-fucking-'m n-fucking-ot kidd-fucking-ing.
6. In the middle of the show, the rest of the band left the stage while Tommy Lee ran around the floor sections of the crowd, until he was hoisted into the air between 2 hanging drum sets, which were about 20 feet high and about 50 feet apart. One of the drum sets was pretty close to where we were sitting. The first picture below shows him being hoisted into the air from the middle of the crowd. The second shows him playing right above us. The third shows him about to land on the other hanging drum set platform after flying from the one near me. The fourth shows a wider shot of him on the farther drum set.

Needless to say, if you have the chance to see them, do it. You won't be disappointed.