Midwestern Eavesdropping - 9/14/06

Nice job this week:

Meathead law student watching a nature program: "Dude, get in here and, like, check out this fucking aardvark."
--Bloomington, IN, law school lounge
Eavesdropper: RobD

The following several eavesdroppings occurred at a bachelorette party, at the groom's house, and the bride is pregnant:
Drunk girl talking to a group of college grads, some married, some not:
Drunk girl: "Yeah, sex sucks when you're married."
Girls: "Really?"
Drunk girl: "Sometimes I'm just like, 'Are you finished? I want to watch the end of Jurassic Park!'"

Stripper in a neon green g-string, now has the bride upside down in some sort of weird, backwards thrusting position:
SWAT team member: "Oh, sorry, I forgot you were pregnant!"
(SWAT team member then dropped her like she was on fire)
Drunk girl: "Tea bag her!"
Girls and SWAT team member: "Um, what?!"
Drunk girl: "It's not like its the first time that's ever happened to Jess!"
--Dayton, OH, forever tainted house
Eavesdroppers: NaviKate and Rookie

Door guy to hostess: "So I was thinking this morning that I want to have kids. But I need to make an arrangement with the woman because I'm still young."
Hostess: "What do you mean?"
DG: "Well, I don't want to have responsibility, but I want to have a kid."
H: "I'll make a deal with you. I'll have your kid. If you can insure that it will be a boy, then you have to let it carry my family name."
DG: "We're going to have to work on those provisions."
(Later on in the night, the manager, who has a slight thing for the hostess, comes to the front and the door guy tells him the deal.)
Manager: "I'll do it. Let's go."
H: "That's okay."
(Manager spends the next hour trying to seduce the hostess, while the hostess rolls her eyes and shrugs him off.)
--Chicago, Funky Buddha Lounge, 728 W. Grand
Eavesdropper: ½ Pint

Twentysomething lactose-intolerant special-ed teacher, who once asked whether there was cheese in a quesadilla, holding a latte: "Is there milk in a latte?"
--Chicago, in a car
Eavesdropper: Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Rod Stewart look-alike DJ at wedding: "Welcome to the swinger's, I mean, swinging party."
--Kettering, OH, well-respected private golf club
Eavesdroppers: NaviKate, The Ulltimate Lactose Hater, Rookie, and Altered Beast

Joker: "Man, I could go for some meatloaf."
Meathead: "Dude, they used to serve meatloaf here. Maybe they still do."
Joker: "Man, I'll kill somebody with kindness for some fucking meatloaf."
--Bloomington, IN, Nick's English Hut
Eavesdropper: RobD

Rod Stewart look-alike DJ, after the bride's little sister's (22, maybe) speech: "Isn't that a beautiful maid of honor everyone? If I had only met you a few years ago . . ."
--Kettering, OH, well-respected private golf club
Eavesdroppers: NaviKate, The Ulltimate Lactose Hater, Rookie, and Altered Beast

Twentysomething female walking to raise money for cancer research in the rain: "I am 80% miserable."
--Chicago, Lincoln Park
Eavesdropper: ½ Pint

Guy talking loudly on cell phone in grocery store: "That sucks. I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you should go back to college or something. [pauses for 2 seconds] And drop that whore."
--Chicago, Jewel, Ashland & Wellington
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Condensed conversation from about a 15 min ride, which was about 15 minutes too long:
Chatty Cabbie: "You guys been drinking? I smell gin."
Drunk Passenger: "Um, yeah, that's why we called the cab." (and he can smell gin?!)
Chatty Cabbie: "You ever been in an accident? I just totaled my last cab two days ago . . . right over there."
Chatty Cabbie: "Just glad I kept my job, I mean the insurance is great. I have this nervous condition. I don't have to buy Zanax on the street anymore- its like $200.00 if you do that. Now its only $7."
Drunk Passengers: "Really?" (apparently looking concerned and hoping to get out sooner than later)
Chatty Cabbie: "Yeah, don't worry, its time release. I haven't taken one since this morning."
Drunk Passengers: "Thanks for the ride. Get our friends home safely." (sending the cab on with 2 friends still inside.)
--Dayton, OH
Eavesdropper: NaviKate

One friend to another at a bar: "I did not say you had 'happy fat.' I'm going to fucking kick your ass!"
--Chicago, O'Donovan's bar, 2100 W. Irving Park Rd.
Eavesdropper: ½ Pint

As always, thanks to everyone who submitted. Keep 'em comin'. Happy fucking Thursday.