Midwestern Eavesdropping - 9/21/06

Sorry this is out so late in the day. I had a deposition that went 2 hours too long, with no break for lunch, meaning that I just ate for the first time since 5:30am and that I'm very close to killing someone. Anyone. Or maybe everyone. But I digress. Here is this week's MWE:

Twentysomething wife in pain, at 2:30 in the morning, after having let her husband and his freinds play drinking games at their apartment and then after having accidentally rubbed her eyes after having put a liquid solution onto her dog's nether regions: "I put up with this shit all night, and this is what I end up with: poon drops in the eye."
--Chicago, Kenmore & Diversey
Eavesropper: GMYH

Drunk: "Dude, I still remember coming home in first grade, and my mom asking me how the first day of school was, and I said, 'I met this girl with red hair. I like her.' And ever since then I've been bangin' chicks."
--Chicago, Congress Theater, Bucktown
Eavesdropper: RobD

University of Michigan Telefund:
Girl 1 (after overhearing UM students talking about the UM/ND nailbiter): "My roommate lost her virginity to Mario Manningham!!!"
Girl 2 (after overhearing Girl 1, but not having been part of the original conversation, and way too proud about it): "I DID TOO!!!"
--Ann Arbor, MI
Eavesdropper: Slange

Sorority girl 1: "Hey, give me your number . . . okay, spell your name . . . okay, I'm going to call you. No, my last name starts with a K not a C."
Drunk guy: "Okay, got it. Do you want to get the hell out of here?"
Sorority girl 1: 'Yeah, let's go."
Drunk guy (closing in for the kill): "Where to?"
Sorority girl 1: "Your place. Boys aren't allowed at the house."
Drunk guy: "No shit? Okay, let's go."
Sorority girl 2: "Wait, where are you going?"
Sorority girl 1: "His place."
Drunk guy: (shrugs, arches eyebrows)
Sorority girl 2: "You have a boyfriend!"
Drunk guy: "Whaddaya, kiddin' me?"
Sorority girl 1: "I do? Oh shit . . . I have a boyfriend!"
--Bloomington, IN, Kilroy's Sports Bar, 8th & Walnut
Eavesdropper: RobD

Mid-30s gay male flight attendant trainer, talking on his cellphone to a potential mate about upcoming weekend plans: "My friend Karen is coming too. She's really fat, but we love her anyways."
--Phoenix, Sky Harbor Airport, bar at Chili's
Eavesdropper: The Ulltimate Lactose Hater

Drunk fortysomething man walking out of concert, to friends: "Hey, you just missed Kathy spread eagle on the floor."
--Chicago, United Center
Eavesdropper: GMYH and Ari

Anorexic freshman girl wearing next to nothing on a 55 degree day, leaping into the sun while waiting for the bus, screaming at the top of her lungs: "I'm sooooo cold! Bake me!"
--Bloomington, IN, 10th and Jordan
Eavesdropper: RobD

As always, thanks to everyone who sent in submissions. Keep 'em comin'. Whenever any of you hear something so stupid that it must be shared with a very small slice of the world, send it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in Midwestern Eavesdropping.