"I'm Gonna Give You a Taste"

Hair Band Friday is raging today. I have been writing interrogatories like a madman, and the women could not be more appreciative. Misti has pretty much been begging me to tie her up and "punish" her for "not being able to produce written discovery requests as well as [me]." I'll oblige as soon as I get these rogs out the door. Meanwhile, Keri is dancing on the stripper pole along with Sadie. They're both wearing only knee-high patent leather boots, and they're performing various sex acts on each other with gavels and giant architectural drawings. Both of them have taken enough Valium and Halcion to kill a horse. Speaking of which -- and maybe it's the acid talking -- but there is a fucking female polar bear in here going down on some centaur named Ron. "The Young and the Wild" by Quiet Riot, "Smooth Up In Ya" by The Bulletboys, and "Wasted Years" by Iron Maiden were the last three songs coming from what appear to be large rotating bass drums full of snakes with Amish beards.

In case you haven't heard about this extremely weird traffic accident, some dude in Boise crashed head-on into another car, killing two people. That's not so weird is it? Not until you find out that the dude's wife's severed head came flying out of his pick-up truck. Oh she must have been decapitated in the accident, you say? No no, this guy had previously decapitated his wife and simply was tooling around town with her severed head in his truck. After he told the police on the scene of the accident that he "was involved with" (read: directly caused by decapitation) his wife's death, police found his wife's decapitated body at their house. My favorite line in the article: "An autopsy was scheduled next week to determine Theresa Time's cause of death, Canyon County Coroner Vicki DeGeus-Morris said." Uh, I'll just take a shot in the dark on this one, but I'm going to have to guess that the removal of the wife's head by force may have been a contributing factor in her body's lack of ability to sustain life any longer. Thanks to my lovely wife Jesterio for sending me the link.

In completely unrelated news, I refused to watch the Britney Spears/Matt Lauer interview last night, although I did see the tearful preview, in which Britney pleaded, "People have to understand that we're people" or something similarly inane. Excuse me for not feeling sorry for this glorified hilljack hooker after she had her fucking infant sitting on her lap while driving, then later had him sitting in the wrong kind of car seat, then later was toting him in one hand with a drink in the other and nearly dropping him while walking down the street, then recently changed the poor kid on the floor of a Victoria's Secret, trying to hand the dirty diaper to a saleserson (who didn't take it). She needs to realize that she's a celebrity, which means she now belongs to the people. It's part of the job. Ergo, when you're famous and you haul your kid around like he's a sack of flour, then it's within the public interest. And certainly when you have a reality TV show about your new marriage to some talentless dancer, then you should understand that maybe you sold your "private" moments to the public long ago in exchange for exactly what you wanted: money and publicity. I long for the day when she's a washed-up thirtysomething single mother (K-Fed will long have left her for some Brazilian ass shaker, yet somehow managed to have gotten a sizeable alimony decree) living back in some modest house in Louisiana, begging someone to pay attention to her. Because it's then that she will finally do Playboy.