Midwestern Eavesdropping - 6/8/06

Here are this week's submissions. Well done!

Guy #1 to Guy #2, as Guy #1's dog was humping Guy #2's dog, which had a blue rubber ball in its mouth:
"It's okay. That's just his little trick for getting the ball back."
--Chicago, Wiggly Field dog park, Sheffield & Schubert
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Puerto Rican 7th grader wearing pink "black is beautiful" shirt: "Mrs. B, are you pregnant?"
Teacher: "Well, I guess I could have put on a few pounds this month, but no I am not pregnant. Why do you ask?"
7th grader: "'Cause you got married and I thought that you had to be pregnant to get married."
Teacher: "Well, I got married because I found someone that I really liked to spend time with."
7th grader: "So you aren't pregnant?"
Teacher: "No."
7th grader: "That's weird."
--Chicago, public middle school
Eavesdropper: AlyK

Twentysomthing boy: "Um, excuse me?"
Twenstysomething girl obviously rocking out to something on her iPod: "What?"
Boy: "What’s your name?"
Girl: "Uh, Eva." (Laughs nervously and returns to listening to her iPod)
Boy: "My name is, um, George, in case you--"
Girl: "Nice to meet you, George." (returns to her iPod in an attempt to have this guy stop talking to her)
Boy starts talking to another bus rider in Spanish
Couple near Girl (trying not to talk loud enough for Girl to hear): "He's saying that girl sucks. It's the first time he's tried to talk to her and she's being rude."
Girl (to couple): "Yeah, I know. I can speak Spanish."
--Chicago, Fullerton #74 bus
Eavesdropper: ½ Pint

Well-dressed black dude: "Mind if I sit on the inside?"
Attractive Pakistani girl: "Um, okay. "
Dude (squeezes past her): "Thanks."
Girl: "Sure."
(brief silence)
Dude: "You smell good."
Girl: "Um, what?"
Dude: "YOU SMELL GOOD."
Girl: "This is my stop."
--Chicago, Red Line train
Eavesdropper: RobD

Twentysomething woman gets to work late and is noticeably frazzled:
Boss: "Why are you late?"
Woman: "Because I wouldn't talk to some guy on the Blue Line, so he set me on fire."
--Chicago, Big Four accounting office
Eavesdropper: Floppy Burrito

Group of recent law school graduates discussing whether hypnosis is real:
Girl #1 (apparently named Barb): "It's fucking real. My ex-boyfriend used to date one of my friends before he dated me, and a hypnotist came to our school and called him up in front of the whole school and hypnotized him. Then the hypnotist asked him what he wanted to name his first child and he said Barb. And then he didn't remember saying it after he was snapped out of it."
Girl #2: "You've gotta be kidding me."
Girl #1: "No. I mean, on one hand, I'm really glad we're not together anymore, but on the other hand, I wish we got married because that would have been such a cute story to tell at the wedding."
Girl #2: "Yeah, that's true."
Girl #1: "But so yeah, that's why when anyone ever tries to tell me hypnosis is fake, I tell them that it's fucking real."
--Chicago, Chicago-Kent College of Law
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Chicago L Conductor: "Thank you for riding the CTA. The next stop is Chicago. And, in case anyone hasn't said this to you today, let me be the first to say, Good morning! Good morning, good morning, GOOD MORNING!" (increasingly gets louder and more effeminate)
--Chicago, morning rush hour Blue Line train
Eavesdropper: ½ Pint

Teacher #1: "[Teacher #2], get in here and watch my class for a minute, will you?
Teacher #2: "Sure, is everything okay?"
Teacher #1: "Yeah, I just got really drunk on the field trip at lunch and then one of the parents brought a flask and I already broke the seal, so I gotta go to the bathroom and need you to watch my kids."
Teacher #2. "Ok."
--Chicago, public middle school
Eavesdropper: AlyK

Some guys on a boat in a lake converse:
Drunk thirtysomething guy: "You guys wanna see some titties?"
NCAA All-American: "Does the Pope wear a funny hat?"
Drunk guy: "See those sluts?"
Woman on raft: "We're not sluts!"
Drunk guy: "These chicks are sluts. Keep workin' on these sluts if you wanna see some titties, they'll show 'em to ya."
All-American: "Hey sluts, how long is this going to take?"
Drunk guy: "You sluts love flashin' their titties don't ya?"
Woman on raft: "Heyyyyy boys...." (flashing titties)
All-American: "Those are the worst titties I have ever seen."
Drunk guy: "I told you they were sluts!"
--Bloomington, IN, Lake Monroe
Eavesdropper: RobD

Stereotypical attorney (to a paralegal): "Oh, thanks for all of your help today since Marsha isn't here. Oh, that's right, you didn't help me with anything."
Paralegal (obviously fed up): "You didn't give me anything to help you with."
Attorney: "Oh, you want work?"
(30 seconds go by and the attorney is still at the paralegal's desk)
Attorney (mumbling to himself): "What is this? Oh, my brain has stopped working."
--Chicago, law office
Eavesdropper: ½ Pint

On a 4.5-hour flight from Cincinnati to LA:
Mid-40s extremely loud talker with annoying smoker/stoner laugh: "We go to Denny's just about every Sunday for breakfast, but the thing about Denny's is sometimes it gets loud in there."
Late 20's Blue Gate Killa: "Would those times happento be just about every Sunday morning?"
Mid-40s extremely loud talker with annoying smoker/stoner laugh is silent for the first time in 3 hours
--Somewhere between Cincinnati and Los Angeles, on a plane
Eavesdropper: Tron 3000

As usual, we have a submission that isn't really an eavesdropping, but a sighting. It's funny nonetheless. Here's the text of the email I got:
"This old man (80s?) who was wearing a very old fashioned suit that looked like a priest's suit without the collar, who had a very noticable hole/tracheotomy in his throat was walking around and going up to every smoker pointing at them, pointing at his throat and then shaking his finger at them in a very accusatory way. I have to say this looked like it was pissing the smokers off... but he was a cute old man with a cute little black hat. I have to believe that his is not the face that Phillip Morris wants on the streets talking, or not being able to talk, about smoking :-) The smokers didn't want to hear it."
--Chicago, Daley Center
Eavesdropper: Jesterio

Thanks a ton to all of the contributors. Keep those ears open! And as always, if you hear something good, send it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com.