Midwestern Eavesdropping - 6/15/06

This week's installment is a little light compared to previous weeks. Thanks to those who did make an effort to spy on other people's conversations.

Homeless man jingling change cup, speaking monotone at a normal speaking volume: "Chicago White Sox. Chicago White Sox. Chicago White Sox. Chicago White Sox. Chicago White Sox." (continuing to say this over and over at least until I was out of earshot)
--Chicago, Wacker & Adams
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Lincoln Park trixie talking absurdly loud on her cell phone in a line for a bar: "Do you know Alicia Smith? Really? Are you sure? 'Cause you used to fuck her roommate every night."
--Chicago, Red Ivy bar, 3525 N. Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Paralegal on the phone: "You know they're making these things that put the Virgin Mary into a pancake now? . . . Yeah, you know there's all these people that see the Virgin Mary in their pancakes. Well now you can do it yourself. . . . There were headlines that the city was going to be blocked off so everyone could see this pancake. . . .What? I don't know where your husband would sleep. Outside? Hello? Um, yeah, I showered today. Why?"
--Chicago, Madison & Wacker
Eavesdropper: RobD

Fortysomething stereotypical Lincoln Park mom with sense of self-entitlement: "I need to return this." (handing a bottle of Clorox surface spray cleaner)
Fiftysomething Asian female clerk: "Do you have the receipt?"
LP mom: "No, I don't. I bought it three weeks ago, and I tried to use it for the first time yesterday and the nozzle is broken so it gets all over your hands every time you spray."
Clerk: "You can't return it if you don't have the receipt."
LP mom (getting overly agitated): "Why the hell would I keep the receipt? Who the hell keeps receipts? It was three weeks ago. I didn't think I'd have to return it. So what am I supposed to do, keep spraying this and get it all over my hands?!"
Clerk (with a very small, yet smug smile on her face): "I'm sorry, but you can't return it if you don't have a receipt. It's story policy."
LP mom (dead serious, as if they are longtime enemies): "Why are you always so mean to me?" Clerk: "You can always exchange it without a receipt, if you go get a new bottle."
LP mom: "Oh. I'll do that then."
--Chicago, customer service counter at Jewel/Osco, Ashland & Wellington
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Homeless man almost doing spoken word poetry, but for an audience of zero: "Love, man. LOVE! Quiet. I'm a bum."
--Chicago, Monroe between Clark and LaSalle
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Obviously gay mulatto attired with colorful scarf, pencil-thin mustache, tan blazer, trendy sunglasses steps on Red Line. This guy is CULTIVATING the Prince look:
Blonde: "Prince?"
Queer: "Hi dear."
Blonde: "Can I have your autograph?"
Queer: "I'm not Prince, baby."
Blonde: "No one's ever called you Prince?"
Queer (smirks): "Oh, people have called me Prince…"
Blonde (seems disappointed): "Can we still party like it's 1999?"
--Chicago, Red Line train
Eavesdropper: RobD

Late 20s guy in business casual attire speaking loudly about his 10-year high school reunion with a late 20s female in business casual attire that apparently went to the same high school: "I'm bringing a camera. I can't wait to get a picture of Julie's ass. It's gonna be a contest for everyone there to see who can get the most pictures of her ass." (then they both laughed uncontrollably for about 30 seconds)
--Chicago, crowded morning Brown Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

A thirtysomething yuppie couple force their way onto an already overcrowded morning rush hour L train, such that the man who was standing next to the door was so smashed that he had to put his book (American Psycho) away because there no longer any room to hold it up. Immediately after the couple gets on the train, they bust into this conversation:
Husband: "When we go to Lexington, if we get drunk, you know what I think we should do?"
Wife: "What?"
Husband (talking in a way so as to make it seem that only 7-11s in Lexington have these options): "Go to 7-11 (pause for dramatic effect) and get one of those pizza sandwiches. It's the best thing when you're drunk. All we have to do is just walk down to 7-11 and grab a Big Gulp and a pizza sandwich. I can't wait."
--Chicago, rush hour Brown line train with 2 too many people on it
Eavesdropper: GMYH

As with every week, we have something that's not technically someone saying something funny, but it's still worthy of inclusion. Here's an email I got from some chick"
"This isn't really an eavesdropping... but this morning on the train the totally fratty, ripped up Abercrombie jean, flip-flop, old college t-shirt-wearing 20 something sitting next to me was jamming out to Mariah Carey 'Emotions,' and Whitney Houston's 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody.' Which he played three times on repeat. I was trying not to laugh the entire time. I think he had no idea other people could hear the music coming out of his ear buds."
--Chicago, morning rush house Purple Line train
Eavesdropper: Jesterio

I can't stress this enough people, it's not just Chicago Eavesdropping, it's Midwestern Eavesdropping. People have to be saying funny things in Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, the rest of Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska, South Dakota, and North Dakota (especially the last two). I'll expect a better showing next week. Remember, the workplace counts too. As always, email said eavesdroppings to gmyhblog@yahoo.com. I love you all.