Midwestern Eavesdropping - 6/1/06

Thanks to everyone who contributed:

Twentysomething fratty guy #1: "It looks like you and Jenny are having a good time."
Twentysomething fratty guy #2: "Yeah, I think things are going really well. I just kissed her bare shoulder."
Guy #1: "Nice."
--Chicago, men's bathroom at Sheffield's
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Partner: "He's a decent judge -- personable guy, not that it makes much of a difference."
Associate: "Well that's good."
Partner: "Skinny guy."
Associate: "Hmm."
Partner: "With a moustache."
Associate: "Skinny guy with a moustache? That seems wrong."
Partner: "Don't tell him that."
--Chicago, law office
Eavesdropper: RobD

Two 6th grade boys sitting together reading a book about Ferdinand Magellan:
3' 8" scrawny 6th grade Yu-Gui-Oh player: "Why did they poop a lot?"
Chunky 6th grader that carries a briefcase to class: "They had scabies."
Social studies teacher: "No, it was scurvy."
Chunky kid: "Yeah, they ate too many hard biscuits and crackers."
3' 8" kid: "I have had diarrhea like 37 times."
Chunky kid: "Who hasn't??"
--Ft. Wayne, elementary school social studies class
Eavesdropper: Baboo

Directionally challenged twentysomething female yuppie at a rec league softball game, overlooking Dayton's one and only skyline: "I didn't know Dayton had a second downtown. It really looks a lot like the other one."
--Dayton, Kettering Fields
Eavesdropper: Holt

This wasn't really eavesdropped upon, but it's still pretty funny:
In bright letters on the t-shirt of a brash, twentysomething African-American female: "DON'T BE A PUSSY, EAT ONE!"
--downtown Dayton, middle of lunch hour
Eavesdropper: Holt

A man who looked a lot like Barney from the Simpsons wearing a very small, old polo shirt stretched way too far over his beer belly, with a little transistor radio shoved in his front pocket with one ear bud dangling down and one in his ear, talking to his tall, gangly, equally poorly dressed friend: "Yeah, good choice. I tried out for the part of Hamlet. We'll see."
--Chicago, Clark & Lake
Eavesdropper: Jesterio

Admin: "Taste the water. Does it taste funky?"
Paralegal: "Nah it's fine. Did you know there's an artesian well here in Chicago?"
Admin: "Is that a well-hidden secret?"
Paralegal: "That's not funny. But seriously, I was shopping around for firewood, and this guy was full of useful information."
Admin: "What else?"
Paralegal: "Well, if you can't sleep, he said to put some salt on your tongue and eat some plain yogurt."
Clerk: "Who is this guy?"
Paralegal: "No idea but I could not get him off the fucking phone. He was really into water. All I wanted was firewood."
--Chicago, law office, Washington & Wacker
Eavesdropper: RobD

As always, keep those ears open, and if you eavesdrop on something funny, email it to me at gmyhblog@yahoo.com and it will make its way onto Midwestern Eavesdropping. And it doesn't have to be something you heard in that particular week. It can be something from last week, last month, last year, last decade, etc. As long as it's funny and Midwestern, time is no factor.