"No I Won't Let Go"

It's business as usual here in my office for Hair Band Friday. The stripper pole has been getting a lot of use. In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day (which was a few days ago, for the few of you who didn't celebrate it), Cristal is wearing an eye patch while she dances. Of course that is the only thing about her that resembles a pirate, unless there is a largely undiscovered sector of pirates who wore clear plastic heels and edible, glow-in-the-dark thongs. Anyway, she's been dancing her heart out to "Best I Can" by Queensryche, "Fool For Your Loving" by Whitesnake, and "If You Don't Like It" by Cinderella. Later, she plans to give me a private dance, if you know what I mean. Essentially, I mean that no one else will be in the room, thus ensuring privacy. While in each other's company, we might neck. Or fuck. The Jacstocy (my killer punch that combines Jack, Ecto Cooler, and X) is flowing like you wouldn't even believe. Trudi chugged a cup full and is now proclaiming to me that I'm the best document reviewer she's ever seen and that she is in love with me as a result. Fish in a barrel, my friends. Fish in a fucking barrel. Speaking of which, I just order a Fucking Barrel. It's set to arrive next week sometime. Meanwhile, some chick named Chastity practically raped me this morning after watching me write part of a deposition outline. The irony of the situation was literally oozing from my body.

I don't have much to say today. Last night I got approximately 9 hours of sleep. My body is still unsure of what to do with this newfound "energy" that it has found. Will I sing? Will I do jumping jacks? Will I just up and quit my job? Will I run around the office wailing like a banshee, smacking myself in the head like Oliver from the first season of The OC? Or will I sit the hell out of this chair and review documents in preparation for yet another deposition while quietly weeping about my station in life? Only time will tell.

Tomorrow is Jester's (and Ari's) birthday. The plan is to go to Piece in Bucktown for some dinner and live band karaoke. I have yet to experience live band karaoke, but my preliminary thoughts are that it might rival Wikipedia, the morning after pill, and the Chia Pet as the greatest innovations of the last 600 years. My only concern is what I am going to sing, or, more appropriately, whether "I Believe In a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness will be an option. If so, I may score myself a record deal. Happy Birthday wife and sister-in-law!!