"Rockin' On a Midnight, Steal Your Soul"

Today is the Hair Band Friday Halloween Party (or HBFHP for short), which means you must have a costume to enter (or if you're a chick, you can just flash us), and you must (as always) be ready to party. The office is devlishly rockin'. I cooked up a batch of Hair Band Friday Halloween Party Knockout Punch (or HBFHPKP for short), which is a once-lethal (RIP Steve) concoction of Jack, vodka, GHB, coke (not Coke), strawberry Kool-Aid, and a healthy dose of red food coloring to make it look like goat's blood. I've had a couple cups of HBFHPKP, and I've been walking around in my Borat swimsuit costume offering mustache rides. Honestly, I'm a little bit disappointed in the response thus far (only six takers, and one was a really drunk dude who said he used to be a Congressman -- I politely explained that I didn't roll that way, then kicked him out because I don't want anyone to catch gay from him). Maybe some of the ladies will be more open to suggestion once the HBFHPKP kicks in, and I won't have to fend off dudes. No worries, though, because I'm feelin' loose and "Trick or Treat" by Fastway, "House of Pain" by Faster Pussycat, and "Halloween" by Helloween just blared through my computer's speakers at decibel levels inappropriate for non-deaf children and chicks with ultrasensitive clitori. Some of the ladies are having a ball (or balls) with the HBFHP. Some of the costumes chicks are wearing include: slutty cat, slutty nun, slutty nurse, slutty marine biologist, slutty CTA employee, slutty hooker, and slutty Amish chick. Staci is dressed up as a "slutty Crocodile Hunter," wearing a khaki short-sleeve button-down shirt, some hiking boots, no pants, and a fake stingray barb protruding from her nether regions. Too soon, Staci. Too soon. Meanwhile, Kerri is dressed as a "slutty groupie," wearing nothing at all, which is kind of funny because she usually just wears four-inch clear plastic heels when she's here. She and the new guy -- who's dressed as Jesus (the messiah, not the pederast bowler) -- are going on Round 2 in the corner as I write this. Second coming indeed. Candi came (in more ways than one) as a slutty teacher, and she gave me an oral exam in sexual education, if you know what I mean. What I mean by that is that she verbally quizzed me -- quite extensively -- on the proper terminology of the male and female sexual organs, as well as the different types of sexually transmitted diseases. Did you know that you can get AIDS just from being in the same room as someone who has it? I didn't either. But now I also know, thanks to Candi, that if you have AIDS, you can get cured by having sex with a virgin, so that's a HUGE plus. Anyway, I went to a Queen concert once, so I need to go out and find me a virgin (I know for sure that there are none in the office, although I think everyone in the office now has AIDS). Who knew having AIDS could be so awesome? I don't know why it gets such a bad rap in the media. Probably because most people don't get totally laid whenever they want.

As you probably surmised, Midwestern Eavesdropping is postponed until next week.

Last night Jester and I ventured over to The Metro to see The Hold Steady. We positioned ourselves on the balcony, right along the railing, fairly close to the center. It was an excellent show. They had two opening bands. The first opening band was Catfish Haven, and they were pretty much awesome. They were like CCR meets Kings of Leon meets Black Crowes meets Joe Cocker meets Stax/Volt meets My Morning Jacket, with a pinch -- just a pinch -- of The Strokes. The lead singer was an urban Yeti who sounded like Kurt Cobain would have sounded if he liked himself and didn't write songs about antidepressants, apologizing, and coming as you are. Anyway, you should definitely check them out, and if you get a chance to see them live, do it. It was a very energetic show.

Sean Na Na (not to be confused with Sha Na Na) was the second opening band. Great name, decent band. The lead singer looked like Dr. Katz, but not as funny. It seemed like they thought a lot of themselves, imploring people to bring them shots and making seemingly sarcastic comments about the life-changing nature of their songs, but they just came off as a little desperate. I would describe their sound as Death Cab for Cutie meets The Replacements.

The headliner was The Hold Steady, fresh off the release of their new album, Boys and Girls in America (for a free listen, click here). I have liked them for a couple years now, and Jester and I saw them at Lollapalooza, where they rocked. Between the case of High Life bottles and bottle of Jamison on stage (nearly finished by show's end--they like the sauce), lead singer Craig Finn's spasmodic movements, the keyboardist's Rollie Fingers 'stache and black 3-piece suit, and guitar player Tad Kubler letting a guy in the crowd play guitar on one song while Tad just walked around the crowd and danced, it was a hell of a performance. It's clear that these guys love what they're doing (who wouldn't?), and I'm a big fan of their brand of booze-soaked, lyrically interesting rock.

On a completely unrelated note, in case you missed it, Notre Dame coach Charlie "Six Months to Live" Weis got pissed that ND got jumped by Florida and Tennessee in the latest BCS standings. Luckily, I'm not the only one who hates Notre Dame and thinks their overrated. ESPN.com's DJ Gallo and SI.com's Stewart Mandel chimed in on the subject. Well done, guys. Thanks to Christoff for the links.

Speaking of schools I hate from northern Indiana, the Purdue student section has a new gimmick: bringing giant inflatable penises to football games. I am so glad I am not kidding about this one. Why the hell would -- no, you know what, I don't even need to say anything about this one. It pretty much speaks for itself. Boiler up! Thanks to Holt for the link.