Rose Bowls and Costly Elbows

Ladies and gentlemen (and Christoff), what would you do if I were to tell you that the Indiana Hoosiers football team controls its own Rose Bowl destiny? You would probably do nothing, but it's true. As some smartypants sports guru noted, if the Hoosiers win the rest of their regular season games, they will finish a startling 9-3 and 7-1 in the Big Ten, clinching a spot in the Rose Bowl. All that stands in their way are five measly games, including an away game this weekend at the #1 ranked team in the country, a home game in a few weeks against the #2 ranked team in the country, another home game against a Michigan State team that finds ways to blow out IU no matter how bad the Spartans are, and two away games at stadiums (Minnesota and Purdue) in which they haven't won in 13 and 10 years, respectively. Personally, I'm going to go ahead and book my arrangements for New Years in Pasadena. I'll be the guy saying, "I told you so."

In other news, in one of the biggest "oh shit" moments in recent memory, casino kingpin Steve Wynn managed to puncture a $139 million Picasso painting that he had just sold to a collector. Apparently, Wynn -- drunk on his own sense of self-righteousness -- was showing the buyer something (probably the penis-shaped upper face on the chick's head, or maybe the partially exposed boob) when he fell backwards and put his elbow through the canvas. He then said, "Oh shit. Look what I've done. Thank goodness it was me," which essentially meant "You gotta be fucking kidding me. Five more minutes and this monstrosity was out of my life for good. So that's what it feels like to lose $139 million in 2 seconds." At least Wynn was nice enough to release the buyer from the agreement and keep the painting for himself.

In yet more news, here are some videos for your enjoyment (with who sent me the link after the description). I tried embedding the videos, but CollegeHumor.com movies automatically start running, so it would have been aural chaos:

• The premiere of The Hold Steady's new video "Chips Ahoy!" (me)
• Mr. Rogers being his usual creepy self (Tron)
• Waking someone up with fireworks tied to his shoe (Tron)
• Australian Idol tryouts with Satan (Tron)
• Drunk VT girl trying to put sweatshirt on (Tron)
• Pretty solid belly flop (Tron)
• Guy smacking head into car hood (Tron)
• Ragtime requiem for Goose (Reed)

Oh, and please send me your submissions for Midwestern Eavesdropping (gmyhblog@yahoo.com). Right now we are in jeopardy of having to skip a week, which means that I have to actually come up with something to say tomorrow. Save me from myself.