Midwestern Eavesdropping - 12/23/08

For the second week in a row, there will be no Tuesday Top Ten. However, in order to appease the masses, I give you an early Christmas present in the form of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

Overly excited twentysomething wife to husband, who was uncharacteristically dressed in a sweater over a collared shirt: "You look like the guy I met in college who used to try."
--Chicago, Seminary & Montana
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Guy: "Do you want some?"
Girl: "Yes, just shoot it into my mouth"
--Chicago, Blue Line Club Car, 1548 N. Damen
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Same girl: "I don't want to be known as the porn star on Andrew's website."
--Chicago, Blue Line Club Car, 1548 N. Damen
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething female: "I wish my dog could text message me."
--Chicago, Kelly's, Sheffield & Webster
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Random twentysomething at a birthday party: "Best New Years ever was when I was 16."
--Chicago, Café Lucia, 1825 W. North Ave.
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething female at 12 Bars of Christmas bar crawl, where most guys are dressed like Santa: "I think somebody's little boner just touched me."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Shitcanned Shannon

Gregarious judge talking to female attorney who was complaining that opposing counsel didn't let her know that he was going to be out on paternity leave, and discussing being in the delivery room:
Judge: "The moment she had that baby, he went brain dead. Have you ever been in there?!"
Female attorney: "I, uh--"
Judge: "My son wanted to be in there last time. (pause) I didn't want to be in there."
--Chicago, Daley Center, Washington & Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "We decided a long time ago. . . LONG LIVE THE MUFFIN TOP. Cheers to the muffin top."
--Chicago, Blue Line Club Car, 1548 N. Damen
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Stoner skater at work: "So we're like on Pacific Time, right?"
Male co-worker: "Are you serious? We're in California and our office is only 12 miles from the Pacific Ocean."
--Irvine, CA, 17 Pasteur
Eavesdropper: Tail Pipe

Two fortysomething female artists at arts and crafts show:
Female 1: "Did you just slap that customer in the face?"
Female 2: "Yes."
Female 1: "I could hear it."
--Chicago, Merchandise Mart
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "I can't understand this guy. His teeth are in the way."
--Chicago, State Bar, Bissell & Webster
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Husband reading headline of article: "Michelle Duggar gives birth to 18th child."
Wife (dead serious): "She is such a whore."
--Chicago, Seminary & Montana
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Fourth grade teacher: "I don't know if I can finish."
Her husband: "Maybe we should tag team this shit"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Technically, this isn't eavesdropping, but it deserves to be included:
Text message from twentysomething female on a Monday afternoon: "Womb are in the area."
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks to those who contributed. As always, if you overhear something hilarious, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next Midwestern Eavesdropping. Have a holly jolly Christmas, Halberstram.