Due to some unforeseen circumstances, I was unable to write a Tuesday Top Ten this week. But I hate to leave you guys empty-eyed during the holiday season, so I share this bit of NFL news with you (thanks to Greg Weeser* for alerting me to this).
Greg White, who is apparently a defensive end on the Buccaneers, decided to pull an Ocho Cinco and legally change his name to Stylez G. White. The reason? He likes the character Stiles from the 1985 werewolf laugh riot, Teen Wolf. Yes, he wants to be named after Teen Wolf's buddy, Stiles.
And just to make sure people don't confuse the two, White chose to spell his name "Stylez." Brilliant. Now everyone will call him "sty-lez." At least now he'll know immediately when it's a telemarketer on the other end of the line. I only hope that he starts wearing black sunglasses and a black t-shirt that says "What are you looking at dicknose" (or would that be "dycknoze"?), hangs out with lycanthropes who demand "a keg of beer," and asks his teammates if they heard about Mr. Murphy, the shop teacher. When they say "no," he better say, "Got his dick caught in a vacuum cleaner." I'd also be interested in hearing his explanation as to how he knows that.
Oh, and he also needs to start hanging out by dumpsters near Greg Weeser*'s place of employment.
Yes, that is Stiles (not Stylez).