Midwestern Eavesdropping - 12/4/08

With a several week hiatus, there is a bountiful crop of Eavesdroppings:

Guy in bathroom at during a concert: "She has, like, lots of pills."
--Chicago, Riviera Theatre, Racine & Lawrence
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Vietnam vet, talking to another guy at a bar: "So we're in Laos and we walk into this strip club, and this stripper is simultaneously smoking eight cigarettes with her pussy. I mean, I can see six or seven, but eight?"
--Chicago, Wrightwood Tap, Wrightwood & Seminary
Eavesdropper: Gregerson

Really drunk dude playing with plastic knives in a room with no women: "I'm gonna stab her in the tit this time."
--Chicago, Diversey & Racine
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Guy on phone on L: "The only way he's gonna make it is if he marries this girl, 'cause she's got a lot of money."
--Chicago, Red Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Young twentysomething couple having heated discussion at bar:
Girl: "I'll stop fucking douchebags when you stop fucking sluts."
Guy: "But I only fucked Stephanie. She's your best friend."
Girl: "Well, she's a slut, so stop fucking her."
--Chicago, Wrightwood Tap, Wrightwood & Seminary
Eavesdropper: Gregerson

Male attorney: "Judge, this case is just a 'he said - she said.'"
Female attorney: "No it's not."
--Chicago, Daley Center, Washington & Clark
Eavesdropper: Anonymous

Bitter twentysomething male during 30 in 8, discussing the 30 in 8 rule that women are allowed but their shirts are not: "Is the rule for guys for 15 in 8 that guys are welcome but their pants are not because I will go over there right now."
--Chicago, Diversey & Racine
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Young 20s guy to girlfriend: "You know what, shut up. I'm not the one who introduced beef to our relationship."
--Chicago, Wrightwood Tap, Wrightwood & Seminary
Eavesdropper: Gregerson

Really smart female walking down a busy street in a very short skirt: "My skirt is soooo short."--Chicago, Halsted and Armitage
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething female: "My left nipple says you be quiet."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething female talking to friend: “That was the worst feeling, to see you pull a shirt out of a bag and not know whether I wore a shirt the night before."
--Chicago, Oakdale & Southport
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething female who is soon to be a Chicago Public School assistant principal: "I am going to double donkey punch this shit."
--Chicago, Augusta & Leavitt
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thirtysomething dude at a bar: "I control my sphincter at all times."
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Female fourth-grade teacher: "I mate like a rabbit and I have the mind of a cheetah.”
--Chicago, Augusta & Leavitt
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Middle-aged man after watching commercial touting the Pac-10's academic and athletic prowess: "Oh, kiss my ass. All you need is three years of high school to get into Oregon State."
--Bloomington, IN
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks, as always, to those who contributed. For the rest of you, during this holiday season, please consider giving the gift of eavesdropping. Whenever you overhear something hilarious or something that can be taken out of context, please email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com so that it can be included in the next edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.