Midwestern Eavesdropping - 1/2/10

I've been hoarding eavesdroppings for a month and a half, so please accept my most insincere of apologies.

Guy on sidewalk: "I live with a guy who has sex with reptiles."
Girl (overly curious): "Oh really?"
--Chicago, State and Grand
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething female: "I would hate to take it up the ass from Vin Diesel. He's so big he'd split you."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Dude in bathroom at concert venue with standing water on the floor: "It's wetter than a preacher's cock in here."
--Chicago, Riviera Theatre, Broadway & Lawrence
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething male to female, waiting in line in front of nice restaurant: "Let's go apeshit here because I've got the munchies big time."
--Chicago, Frontera Grill, 445 N. Clark
Eavesdropper: Trashton

New mom on Thanksgiving, talking about her newborn daughter: "I could probably put her in the turkey cavity."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thirtysomething female at a holiday party: "Cock rings are the new Jesus."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Tron

Woman about to head to the hospital to have a baby: "Ugh, this is like going to the guillotine."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething woman with two masters degrees: "I won't eat veal or any other lamb meat."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Woman who just had a baby, to husband: "You didn't put any pictures of me on Facebook looking all skaggy, right?"
Woman's mother: "Just that big one of your twat."
--Chicago, Prentice Women's Hospital, Superior & St. Clair
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething female: "I would love to bathe in fettucini alfredo sauce"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

3-year-old at pediatrician's office: "Babies don't die."
--Chicago, Sheffield & George
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Former 30 in 8 winner discussing college: "It was like an abortion in there. We drank vodka and kool-aid, and we puked everywhere. It really looked like an abortion."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Female doctor checking out new mother and baby: "I see a lot of babies, and yours is definitely one of the cute ones."
Mom: "Thanks."
Doctor: "You don't know how many times I have to tell new parents their baby has a great personality."
--Chicago, Prentice Women's Hospital, Superior & St. Clair
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thitysomething female: "It smells like a bloody ho. It TASTES like a bloody ho."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

As we do here from time to time, here is something that isn't technically eavesdropping, but definitely worthy of inclusion:

--Morris, IL, liquor store
Eavesdropper: The Floppy Burrito

As always, thanks to everyone who contributed, and if you overhear something funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.