This edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping is dedicated to Bob Barker, who is ending his legendary run as The Price Is Right's host. It was an honor, sir, to have my pet spayed twice.
Mother and 10-year-old daughter stroll down the sidewalk drinking Slurpees, when mother says, nonchalantly: "No, I just can't get over Roberto's death, so..."
--Chicago, Wrightwood & Halsted
Eavesdroppers: GMYH & Jesterio
Cubs' pitcher Ted Lilly is batting and has an 0-2 count:
Husband: "It's a pitcher's count right now."
Wife (who is also a 25-year-old special ed teacher): "Oh no, it's not a pitcher's count. It's a batter's count."
(Husband looks at her with a very confused look on his face)
Wife: "You don't know what you're talking about."
--Chicago, Wrigley Field, 1060 W. Addison
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
50 year old doctor talking loudly on his cell phone in the ICU: "How would I know? I am a lung doctor and that sounds like a testicle problem." (Pause) "I would not go to a plastic surgeon. You want it to look as natural as possible. I would try an urologist."
--Louisville, some hospital
Eavesdropper: Kells P
Fat man on cell phone on Mother's Day: "No, mother, I said it and I meant it. If my wife died tomorrow, I wouldn't shed a tear. Not a single fucking tear."
--Chicago, Chicago Ave. & Michigan
High school male #1 to high school male #2: "I wanna piss on your girlfriend's ankles."
--Chicago, Wabash & Madison
On a post-it note in the copy room: "I want to tell you that you have received anonymous death threats from Gary."
--Chicago, law office, Wacker & Clark
This isn't really an eavesdropping per se, but I found it odd:
I get on the elevator this morning at work, and there's only one other person on it -- a guy who looks about my age wearing a suit with his top shirt button unbuttoned and an orange tie loosely tied, listening to an iPod, and wearing sunglasses in the elevator because his future is just that bright. Within seconds of getting on the elevator, he hastily grabs his phone out of his pocket, flips it open, says "bitch" in a loud whisper, then closes his phone and starts to dance in a restrained but celebratory manner.
--Chicago, Wacker & Madison
Thanks to everyone who contributed. Keep your ears open. When you overhear something hilarious, email it to firstname.lastname@example.org, and it shall be included in the next terribly important edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.