Midwestern Eavesdropping - 5/4/07

Here's a whole lotta eavesdropping:


25-year-old special ed teacher, while eating tater tots: "God, I wish I had a burger" (looks down to realize that the very same tater tots she was eating came with the burger she ordered) "Oh."
--Chicago, Chi-Town Tap, Lincoln & Kenmore
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

25-year-old special ed teacher starts to say something, then stops. "Wait, no. I'm thinking before I speak instead of thinking afterwards."
--Chicago, Chi-Town Tap, Lincoln & Kenmore
Eavesdropper: GMYH

At an elementary school assembly about the history of rock and roll, a band played a song by Elvis. Afterward, a guy in the band spoke to the students:
Band guy: "Does anyone know why Elvis was the king of rock and roll?"
Third-grade boy: "Elvis was the king because he took all of the money from the slaves to buy a big house."
--Chicago, some public school
Eavesdropper: AlyK

Thirtysomething male, after Cubs lost in 12 innings: "I don't know why we get fucking tickets to this fucking shit hole every year."
--Chicago, Wrigley Field Stadium Club, 1060 W. Addison
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Upon overhearing table of mid-50s women talking about blow job shots, twentysomething male says to his fiancé: "Honey you like blow jobs. You've done a blow job before, haven't you?" (she looks at him angrily) "But you like blow jobs. What? It's a shot." (looks at male friend) "I'm in trouble now."
--Naperville, IL, Potter's Mexican Restaurant
Eavesdropper: RDC

Effeminate man offering advice to co-worker in elevator: "Well at least if you're getting kicked in both sides of your ass, you're not sittin' on it."
--Chicago, Wacker & Madison
Eavesdropper: GMYH

25-year-old special ed teacher: "I wish we had a good midget friend."
--Chicago, apartment near Belmont & Southport
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething male at bachelor party, after "dancer" asks if she can have some chips: "You've already stolen my soul, so why don't you take my Doritos too."
--Chicago, somewhere
Eavesdropper: Firefox

Flaming gay man wearing an olive zoot suit, talking loudly into cell phone, furthering the stereotype that gay men are clean: "I used to never ever ride in cabs because, you know, I thought they were so icky, but now here I am riding the L."
--Chicago, Brown Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Dude: "I am down to 206 pounds, that's great for me." (looks at his wife, who had permed bleach blond hair and a ripped up, neck-cut-out NASCAR shirt on) "As for her, I am starving her to perfection. You aren't eating today, right honey?"
(she didn't eat)
--Chicago, O'Donovan's, 2100 W. Irving Park
Eavesdropper: AlyK

Twentysomething male: "I'm going to wrap my cock around her later."
--Naperville, IL, some bar
Eavesdropper: RDC

Grad-to-be on speakerphone, with what could only be his mother:
Mom: "Did you pick up your cap and gown yet?"
Grad: "Yeah, the damn rental is eighty bucks."
Mom: "Well, try not to get it dirty."
Grad: "I think I'm gonna wear it to the bar tonight."
Mom: "Oh God don't do that it'll get thrown up on!"
Grad: "Mom do you really think people throw up on each other in bars?"
Mom: "I don't know. I hear things."
-- Bloomington , IN , patio at Kilroy's, Kirkwood & Dunn
Eavesdropper: RobD

Ditz: "My dad thinks I need the best doctor in town. He definitely needs to have an MD."
--Chicago, Red Line train
Eavesdropper: Tron

Twentysomething large Asian male (completely serious): "I'd love to have my picture taken with Billy Ray Cyrus."
--Chicago, crowded rush hour Brown Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Text message received from RDC: "I wonder if the 20 year old next to me wearing a Flying Burrito Brothers shirt has any idea who they are."

This technically isn't a Midwestern Eavesdropping, but it's a pretty solid pix message from Mountie:
"So apparently this happened on my way to work yesterday, but I didn't notice it until this morning. In case you can't tell, that's a bird."

Thanks to everyone who sent stuff in. Keep up the good work, and keep hitting birds with your cars and taking pictures. I kid you not, one of my lifelong dreams is to hit a bird with a car. Anyway, when you overhear something hilarious, send it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, and it shall be included on the next smashing edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.