Midwestern Eavesdropping - 5/31/07

Here you go:

10-year-old girl at White Sox/Devil Rays game, while Elijah Dukes is at bat: "Don't hit me!"
--Chicago, Comiskey Park, 35th & Shields
Eavesdropper: Crazy Legs

Thirtysomething female, after trying on comfortable sandals, in crowded show store: "I think I might have just had an orgasm."
--Chicago, DSW, Halsted & Clark
Eavesdropper: GMYH

70-year-old man nearly falls over at a baseball game. Smarmy twentysomething male says: "That's what happens when you wear khaki shorts and a shirt tucked in with a belt!"
--Chicago, Wrigley Field, 1060 W. Addison
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Elderly Man: "Excuse me, miss? You need to eat!"Tiny Blonde: "That's not what the media tells me."--Chicago, Clark & Arlington
Eavesdropper: RobD

25-year-old special ed teacher, talking about being drunk at a friend's wedding: "I think I made out with a guy in a phone booth. I hope it was my husband."
--Chicago, Cornelia & Damen
Eavesdropper: GMYH

10-year-old girl walking through down center of L train: "This train smells like pool water!"
10-year-old boy: "Naw, it smells like bananas."
--Chicago, Purple Line train
Eavesdroppers: GMYH, Chenandler Bong

Twentysomething musician, being completely serious: "Fallin Down is a phenomenal movie. It's almost as good as Fear."
--Chicago, The Store, Halsted & Armitage
Eavesdroppers: GMYH, Gemkeezi

Drunk guy eating burrito: "It fucks me in the ass. (pause) Or I rape it in the mouth."
--Chicago, LaBamba, Halsted & Wrightwood
Eavesdroppers: GMYH, RDC, Weez, Jesterio

Drunk chick eating huevos con chorizo at 4am: "I feel like the male anatomy is gross. Sometimes I just have to close my eyes and pretend."
--Chicago, Los Tres Panchos, Diversey & Lincoln
Eavesdroppers: Gregerson, GMYH, Ari, Floppy Burrito

Girl: "Don, this is my fiancee, Tom."
Don: [handshake] "Hey, how are ya?"
Tom: "I'm great. What do you do?"
Don: "Oh, I recruit sales reps, facilitate that between management."
Tom: "You should work for me. I make a ton of money."
Don: (in a tone that suggests he hopes Tom is joking) "I'm doing just fine, buddy."
Tom: (Points at Don's friend) "I make more than you and him combined."
Don: (steps into Tom's space) "Are you serious right now? You are such a bitchboy for saying that. You fucking bitchboy."
Tom: (falling away, off-balance, swings at Don, punch glances off, brouhaha ensues)
Girl: "Don! Don! What are you DOING?! That's my fiancee!!"
Don: (kneeling on Tom, stops swinging momentarily) "Yeah, but he's a fuckin' bitch!" (continues swinging)
--Chicago, Stanley's, Lincoln & Armitage
Eavesdropper: RobD

Drunk female on the sidewalk in front of a bar, yelling at her friends: "I just need a boyfriend! I was supposed to get a boyfriend tonight!"
--Chicago, Mad River Grille, Sheffield & George
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Bitchy girl to girl standing in handicapped area: "Excuse me are you handicapped?"
Other girl: "No, but my sister is, and I'm helping her."
Bitch girl, realizing that other girl is obviously standing next to a girl on crutches with huge leg brace: "Oh."
--Chicago, Wrigley Field, 1060 W. Addison
Eavesdropper: Gemkeezi

Here's another example of something that's not technically eavesdropping, but deserves to be included. Here's an email I got:
"This isn't necessarily something that I overheard, but it is a story that must be told, for I have discovered a new, more sinister version of the fecal phantom. I entered the bathroom on my floor for my daily 10:00 appointment. To my delight I notice that all stalls were available, since I will not begin the meeting if anyone else is in the room, this is a good thing for me. Unfortunately, the good vibes ceased upon opening the first stall door. There, sitting on top of the toilet paper dispenser was the core of what used to be an apple."
--Chicago, Wacker & Dearborn
Eavesdropper: RDC

Thanks everyone. Continue overhearing hilarious stuff and send it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, and it will be included in the next installment of Midwestern Eavesdropping.