JonBenet's Murderer Has Confessed

Well, they finally found the guy who Patsy Ramsey hired to kill her daughter JonBenet. I don't know about you, but I find it extremely convenient that Patsy Ramsey died last year of "ovarian cancer" (whatever that may be), a mere 14 months before her daughter's killer was brought to justice after confessing in Thailand, thereby escaping her own implication for solicitation of murder. Right now she's basking on some Caribbean island -- probably the one with David Copperfield's Fountain of Youth -- laughing her ass off, with a Mai Tai in one hand and a Latin man's member in the other.

Here is an actual quote from the article (with added emphasis): "It's been a very long 10 years, and I'm just sorry Patsy isn't here for me to hug her neck," said Lin Wood, the family's longtime attorney. What I think Wood meant to say was, "I'm just sorry Patsy isn't here for me to hug her neck, not unlike the manner in which John Mark Karr hugged JonBenet's little neck until she stopped breathing, as ordered by Patsy ten years ago."

Frankly, I never saw what the big deal was about JonBenet's death. So she was a six-year-old beauty pageant contestant who was undoubtedly pushed too hard by her wealthy parents who were overcompensating for their own shortcomings, and when she didn't win a particular pageant, she suffered the consequences. By now, JonBenet would have been (if anything) a drugged-out teenager singing shitty, canned pop music, romantically linked to the likes of Daniel Radcliffe, Aaron Carter, the kid who played Ray in Jerry Maguire, and Gary Glitter. Karr merely saved the world from having to deal with another Britney Spears.