Midwestern Eavesdropping - 8/31/06

Midwestern Eavesdropping is back. It is perfectly appropriate to call it a comeback because it hasn't been here for years. Here you go:

Drunk twentysomething special-ed teacher: "I ate my weight in mayonnaise at my bachelorette party."
--Chicago, Nick's Uptown bar, Irving Park & Sheridan
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Two muscle-bound guys (putting to shame the four pudgy, pale midwestern guys) at hotel pool:
Hans: "Check out this frog!"
Frans: "Dude, go wash your hands, don't pick up frogs."
Hans: "Why? Who gives a fuck?"
Frans: "Dude, that's how you get warts."
Hans: "Fuck off, man."
Frans: "No. Seriously, you can get genital warts from frogs."
--Myrtle Beach, SC
Eavesdropper: Rombo

Drunk Preppie: "I'm going to go sit in Eddie Bauer and loosen my bowels."
--Chicago, State & Ohio
Eavesdropper: RobD

Thirtysomething female to a group of friends: "I got Hep A, Hep C, and typhoid in the ass."
--Chicago, Vaughan's Pub, Sheffield & Wellington
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thirtysomething female to twentysomething male during frank discussion of oral sex: "When it comes to Angelina [Jolie], I'm pretty sure I'd eat box and not think twice about it."
--Chicago, Vaughan's Pub, Sheffield & Wellington
Eavesdropper: RDC

Bespectacled stubblemeister: "No, no, wait a minute, don't lie, you chose Poop Soup."
Ex-sorority girl: "I did not. I did NOT. I picked the Diarrhea Shake. Get it right, dickface."
--Bloomington , IN, Crazy Horse bar
Eavesdropper: RobD

90-year-old Italian woman and fiftysomething woman discuss 90's marriage:
Fiftysomething: "So how old were you when you and Robert got married?"
90: "I was 16 and he was 23."
Fiftysomething: "Wow, that's quite an age difference."
90 (taken aback): "What are you talking about? It's only 7 years."
--Erie, PA, 90-year-old Italian woman's house
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Technically it's not eavesdropping, but rather eavesseeing, but still funny:
Shitty, mid-90s white Honda (Whonda?) with large bumper stickers that read:
-Gayly married lesbian
-Illegal Immigrant
-Caution: Menopausal Driver
Driving the car: normal mid-20s white male
--Columbus, OH
Eavesdropper: The Ulltimate Lactose Hater

While this isn't technically eavesdropping either, but more along the lines of eavesseeing. Nonetheless, it's a nice picture of the Chicago Public Schools' delightfully defeatist slogan:

--Chicago, some school that is more than happy if kids just show up
Eavesdropper: Puffman

Thank you to everyone who contributed and bollocks to everyone who didn't. Hopefully the Labor Day weekend will provide everyone with the opportunity to overhear some stupid shit. When you do, so help me God, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in next Thursday's (hopefully) Midwestern Eavedropping.

AL Central
1. Detroit 83-50 – (29)
2. White Sox 78-54 (30) 4.5 (still creepin')

AL Wild Card
1. White Sox 78-54 -- (30)
2. Minnesota 76-55 1.5 (31)

NL Wild Card
1. San Diego 68-65 – (29)
2. Philadelphia 67-65 0.5 (30)
3. Cincinnati 67-67 1.5 (28)
4. Florida 65-67 2.5 (30)
5. San Francisco 65-68 3.0 (29)
5. Astros 65-68 3.0 (29) (creepin')
7. Arizona 64-69 4.0 (29)
7. Atlanta 63-68 4.0 (31)