Midwestern Eavesdropping - 8/17/06

MAJOR MWE ANNOUNCEMENT: In light of the fact that this is my blog and I can pretty much do whatever the hell I want with it, I am opening up Midwestern Eavesdropping beyond the Midwest. So, if you've ever lived in the Midwest but aren't anymore, or if you're from the Midwest and visiting a place that is outside the friendly parameters of the Midwest, feel free to sumbit your eavesdroppings to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in Midwestern Eavesdropping.

It's been a couple weeks. Thanks to everyone who submitted.

Relatively attractive mid-20s blond female in a systems training class:
Teacher: "To move back to the previous screen, press F7. Or to move ahead a screen, press F8."
Blonde: "Wow. It's been a long time since I F'd anything."
--Charlotte, NC, business office
Eavesdropper: Yehday

Bum: "Yo, yo... hey, my man, listen, we're going to have a wine tasting here later this evening... you ah, you wanna contribute?"
--Chicago, State & Ohio
Eavesdropper: RobD

Store intercom: "Natalie to the crickets, please. Natalie to the crickets."
--Chicago, PetSmart, Broadway & Diversey
Eavesdroppers: GMYH and Jesterio

Disgruntled male to inept co-worker: "Mike, you are making me so angry that my eyeball almost exploded!"
--Chicago, office building
Eavesdropper: Uter

Twentysomething chick stumbling around, obviously hammered, coming from the general direction of some port-a-potties: "Oh my God, I peed all over myself. I'm not even gonna lie."
--Chicago, Grant Park, Lollapalooza
Eavesdropper: GMYH

One Blonde and one Brunette talking about their dogs:
Brunette: "How old is he?"
Blonde: "One. How old is your Golden?"
Brunette: "He's already four! I hope he's alive a long time."
Blonde: "Yeah, my parents just put down their Golden. He was 17."
Brunette: "I LOVE that story!!"
--Dayton, OH, sprawling bachelor pad
Eavesdroppers: NaviKate and Mounty

Twentysomething douche talking very loudly on his cell phone in an extremely long ATM line, trying way too hard to impress the girl on the other end of the phone: "What? You mean the dance movie? [pause] You can't dance. [pause] We're gonna take dance lessons together and I'll teach you how to dance. I love to dance. We're gonna dance."
--Chicago, U.S. Cellular Field
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething guy at a bar: "Great ass. You could eat eggrolls off those butt-cheeks."
--Royal Oak, MI, O'Toole's bar
Eavesdropper: RobD

Fiftysomething woman (after staring at the ground the entire elevator ride shaking her head in disgust), getting out of elevator in lobby to man that she apparently knew, who was getting on the elevator, with sheer contempt in her voice: "Number 33. [short pause for effect] Can you believe it Ralph?"
--Chicago, 150 N. Wacker
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Three-year-old boy with red curly hair to devastatingly attractive twentysomething female librarian, upon seeing the librarian's dog: "Your dog looks like a ninja!"
--Chicago, Sheffield and Schubert
Eavesdropper: Jesterio

Three teenage African-American boys, looking across the street at a line forming outside the Chicago Theatre and at the theatre's marquee, and one boy says: "What the fuck is a 'widespread panic'?"
--Chicago, State Street, in between Randolph & Lake
Eavesdropper: Crazy Legs

Thirtysomething woman to building security guard standing near elevator bank, upon walking into the building (but before trying the elevators), in a tone as if this is an everyday question: "Are all your elevators working properly?"
--Chicago, 120 W. Madison
Eavesdropper: GMYH

So there you have it. Thanks again to everyone who contributed. Keep up the good work. The rest of you, keep those ears open.

This will be the last post for a few days, as I am going to Erie, PA -- which I assume to be slightly less fun than a Scranton or a Wilkes-Barre -- to help my mom and my aunt administer a sweet estate sale at their dead uncle's house. There will be a noticeable lack of computers at the house, accompanying the noticeable lack of air conditioning, post-1975 TVs, digital clocks, microwaves, fun, and hope.