Pluto, We Hardly Knew You

Well, there were only 4 submissions for Midwestern Eavesdropping, so it's postponed until next week. I give you my all, and what do I get in return? A bunch of lilly-livered, non-imposing readers who follow the rules of social etiquette by not purposely listening in on strangers' conversations. Pathetic.

No worries, though, because the International Astronomical Union has given me plenty of nonsensical fodder for today's post by revoking Pluto's planet card. Yes, that's right, Pluto is no longer considered a planet. What concerns me most about this horrifying development is that elementary school science teachers are going to be frantically struggling to come up with a new mnemonic device to help the children remember the planets of our solar system because they will need something to replace the now-obselete My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pies. Fear not, because this is the exact situation for which I created a blog. I give to you, the concerned science teachers of America, the following mnemonic devices that will aid your students' ability to remember the eight planets of our fair solar system:

1. My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nighttrain
2. Married Venezuelans Entertain Many Jewish Swingers Unless Not
3. My Vagina Excretes Many Juicy Substances Under Nightfall
4. Milk Very Effectively Makes Jamaican Swordswallowers Urinate Nonstop
5. Mike's Violent Erection Made Jane Seem Understandably Nervous
6. Most Viennese Entertainers Make Jealous Socially Unforgiving Nihilists
7. Most Vehement Evangelists Merely Just Stop Up North
8. Murder Victims Eventually Make Jizz Sponges Under Necrophiliacs
9. Mustard Vanilla Eclairs Must Just Sound Undeniably Nauseating
10. My Very Eager Mistress Just Sucked Until Now
11. Most Vegans' Exteriors Mostly Just Smell Ungodly Noxious
12. Many Vampires Equal Mostly Just Sweet Until Night
13. Mary's Venous Eczema Makes Jerry Springer Upchuck Nightly
14. Mississippi Very Educated Makes Just Sense Understand No
15. Milli Vanilli’s Early Music’s Just Sonically Unequaled Now
16. Most Vaudevillian Entertainers Made Jalopies Seem Normal
17. Micturating Violently Evokes Mainly Just Soggy Underwear Nocturnally
18. Mostly VanDamme Emulates Musclebound Justinian Singing Urban Ninjas
19. Most Virgins Erroneously Must Just Start Undulating Nude
20. Many Virgins Eagerly Masturbate Jealously Supine Under Nightfall
21. Most Venetians Enter Motorcars Justifiably Suspiciously Unless Naked
22. Multiple Venomous Eels Make Jokes Seem Unimportant Nowadays
23. Merry Vladimir Eagerly Married Josephine’s Simply Unbelievable Nipples
24. My Very Eccentric Mother Just Served Us Nothing
25. Moccasin Venom Ends Men Just So Unnaturally Nastily
26. Masturbating Vehemently Essentially Means Jessie’s Sexually Uninterested Nightly
27. Mario Vomited Eventfully. Mario Just Saw Ugly Nipples.

I'll add more as I think of them, and I invite you to add your own. The future of America's schoolchildren depends on it.

I'd also like to remind everyone that we are approaching the 26,000th visitor. Whoever that may be, please email me at gmyhblog@yahoo.com, preferably with a picture or a screen shot of your computer screen showing 26,000. Also, if you're already one of the previous biography "winners," then you can't "win" again (i.e., I'm not going to write another biography for you). I will try to steer clear of GMYH as the number gets close to 26,000, so that I don't repeat last week's faux pas or eat any foie gras, at least within city limits.