Friday, July 13, 2007

"Always Choose Paper Over Lamps"

Happy Friday the 13th, you paraskevidekatriaphobic bastards. Long live the Knights Templar.

Coming to America
So all the buzz these days is that David and Victoria Beckham have officially moved to the States. I'm sure you've all seen the cover of W magazine .

Does anyone else think Victoria Beckham has been turned into a Stepford Wife? These days she's looking more like a FemBot then the Posh Spice I knew and fantasized vividly about. Notice the progression. The first is Spice Girls era. The second is circa 2001, proclaiming her love for Dior via t-shirt. The third is last month's Spice Girls reunion (transformation complete):

Granted, she has perky breasts, but you would too if your mammary glands housed the shortened barrels of AK-47s. I'm guessing she didn't breast feed Cruz, and possibly not Romeo or Brooklyn either, depending on when an evil organization with a clever acronym (probably V.E.N.O.M. or MAD) transformed her into a cyborg. I imagine her saying things like "Gladiators are the new black," "Toothpaste makes your teeth white like a tiger's," "Traffic lights are tomorrow's lovers," "I am a Peloponnesian mercenary, though thought not to be," and "Art is my cigarette. I enjoy it only after orgasm." I also assume her diet now consists of only scraps of leather, mesquite chips, and handles of Ketel One.

Where's Danny DeVito and Arnold?
This is one of the best pictures I've seen in a long time.

As you can see, it shows the world's tallest man, Bao Xishun (7'9"), shaking hands with Pingping (2'4"), who resembles a cross between a shorter, balder, younger Mark Linn-Baker and Dustin Hoffman. Pingping is apparently 19 and is applying for the Guinness World Record as the world's shortest man. Pingping. The mini man's name is Pingping. Sometimes God writes your jokes for you. I would love to see Bao dunk Pingping.

There's a new link on the sidebar to a site called TShirtsVille. It has a plethora of t-shirts from bands, TV shows, movies, cartoons, and more. I have the Black Sabbath Encore heather t-shirt on the way.

1 comment:

buckeye said...

if posh spice's nappy dugout was actually widely-known to be a dick guillotine in disguise i'd still do her.