Midwestern Eavesdropping - 7/12/07

After a lengthy hiatus, Midwestern Eavesdropping is back. Here you go:

Twenty-five year-old special ed teacher discussing the masters degree in education administration that she is currently working on: "Husband, there are a million things I will be able to do with my degree. Things you could only dream of."
--Chicago, IL
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Future Lawyer 1: "I couldn't even see straight last night. I tried to do some contracts essays and just had to quit."
Future Lawyer 2: "No shit, man. Tim and I were doing practice questions for like two hours and we were just like, 'fuck it' and sparked a joint."
--Chicago, Chicago Kent School of Law, Clinton & Adams
Eavesdropper: RobD

Twentysomething female to another, in concert parking lot: "Why don't you squat by the bus? I got toilet paper."
--Tinley Park, IL, outside First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre after Def Leppard concert
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Woman says to her friend as the waiter stops to check on them: "Ooh. Nothing like a little beefcake with lunch."
--Westmont, IL, Moondance Diner
Eavesdropper: Shigeta

Director's assistant setting up Jay Mohr:
Production assistant: "Jay, they're calling for you on set."
Director's assistant: "Yeah, you're tardy."
Jay Mohr: "I don't feel tardy."
--Los Angeles
Eavesdropper: Weez

Male: "Hey Angie, have you ever had sex with Benny and not cried?"
Female: "No."
--Somewhere between Chicago and Tinley Park, IL, on a bus
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Sweatpants guy on the phone: "When? Oh, Friday? ... No, no... it's just ... what? Yeah--no, it's not that, it's just that Friday is my grooming day."
--Chicago, parking garage, North & Larrabee
Eavesdropper: RobD

Twentysomething male: "It's like a secret, only I can't tell anyone"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Ari

Twenty-five year-old special ed teacher: "I feel like I'm gonna have a lazy eye."
--Chicago, IL
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Female 1 to Female 2, who is walking by Female 1 on a bus: "Put your butt in my face."
--Somewhere between Chicago and Tinley Park, IL, on a bus
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Shirtless fat guy in the bleachers is dancing to Village People's "YMCA":
Cougar: "Damn, that guy's tits are bigger than mine!"
20something male: "Prove it!"
20something female: "Let's see the evidence!"
(Cougar quickly flashes onlookers)
20something male looks away, winces: "She's right. His are bigger."
20something female cracking open peanuts: "Perkier too. Less sag in his bags."
--Chicago, Wrigley Field, 1060 W. Addison
Eavesdropper: RobD

At 3am, a guy is talking on his cell phone, standing next to his buddy, who is passed out on a lawn, sucking his thumb: "Can I come hang out with you? (pause) Can I come hang out with you? (pause) Wait, you don't have a boyfriend, do you?"
--Chicago, somewhere on Wrightwood between Halsted and Sheffield
Eavesdropper: RDC

Group of four guys runs into group of three girls they presumably know:
Bikini Girl: "What are you guys up to?"
Guy 1: "Probably going to go to Castaways for a little while. Maybe volleyball later."
Bikini Girl: "In jeans?"
Guy 1: "Um, yeah. In jeans."
(awkward pause)
Guy 2: "Hey, um, did we like, do anything stupid last night?"
--Chicago, North Avenue Beach
Eavesdropper: RobD

In the men's restroom at a strip club at 2:00AM on a Thursday night, an early thirties male on his cell phone at the urinal: "I just wanted to give you a call and let you know I am home...(pause)...YES, I am at home."
--Chicago, VIPs
Eavesdropper: Klank

Two rednecks walk down concourse at outdoor concert venue:
Redneck 1: "I can't believe you whipped it out."
Redneck 2: "Yeah, whatever."
--Tinley Park, IL, First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre, Def Leppard concert
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Drunk Guy: "You guys come all the way from San Diego for this?"
Padres Fan: "Yeah, we figured we'd take a vacation, catch some sun."
Drunk Guy: "What the fuck is a Padre anyway? Some kind of Spanish pancake?"
Padres Fan: "No, it's a Spanish... um, father."
--Chicago, Wrigley Field, 1060 W. Addison
Eavesdropper: RobD

And as usual, here are a couple things that aren't technically Midwestern Eavesdropping, but still worthy of inclusion:
A late 20s male with what I presumed to be his girlfriend, wearing a t-shirt from Wisconsin Dells with a character on the back wearing a hardhat and stating "Hold My Hammer While I Nail Your Girlfriend."
--Chicago, Grant Park, July 3
Eavesdropper: Trashton

Waiting for a bus, an early twenties male, carrying a 6-8 month old child and singing a lullaby: "Tipsy" (Errybody in the club gettin' tipsy) by J-Kwon.
--Chicago, Dearborn & Monroe
Eavesdropper: Trashton

Thanks to everyone who submitted eavesdroppings. Keep up the good work. As always, when you overhear something hilarious, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.